goteamlau

We're BACK!

2010-08-11T14:55:00.002-05:00

Okay... sincerest apologies for neglecting this for the last year and a half. Life has been a bit... well, crazy busy. But, we're back--on the blog and on the baby train. Our newest addition, another precious baby girl, will be here mid-December!! We're wrapping our brains around having two little girls running this house and at the same time are more excited than we can imagine! :) God is good. and... more to come.

The Advantages of a Broken Toe

2009-01-29T14:37:00.007-06:00

Your Mom was a bit of a dork yesterday and ended up breaking her toe. I was in my office (wood floor) while you were taking a nap. You woke up so I shuffled across my floor to come and get you (you're so sweet when you first wake up, one of the only times you let me snuggle with you) and I slipped on the stairs. My feet came out from underneath me and my right foot slammed into the doorjamb. My entire body slid into the doorjamb with all of the pressure on that little toe next to the baby toe. I call it the "ring finger toe." I heard a pop and the pain started shooting up my leg. It's insane that something so small can hurt so freaking badly, but it did! You were still crying and wanting someone to get you but I couldn't pull myself up off of the ground. Once I could actually make a sound, I cried out to Dustin who came tearing up the stairs (he hates it when I hurt). I told him to get you first so we spent some time as a family sitting in the doorway to my office.

This morning, my toe was swollen and bruised and nasty looking. Your daddy took me to the doctor and it was confirmed... it's broken. I'm in the awesome and very ugly 'shoe' for the next two weeks and have another 6 weeks of pain and 6 months of discomfort in my future. Yeah!

But, on the bright side, while there isn't much to do for a broken toe, what can be done... we're doing. It will eventually heal and all will be well. In the meantime, I'll try to keep my foot up, have your daddy carry you up and down the stairs, take my Aleve and keep ice handy. I'll try to get caught up on this blog, work on my school reading and try to get some much needed rest. Teach me to dance down the stairs, huh?

ps- pardon the ugly toenails. It's been a while since I got a pedicure. It will be a while longer still! For the first time in my life, someone rubbing my feet does NOT sound pleasant!

It's About Time!

2008-12-23T11:45:00.000-06:00

So, you got this awesome exer-saucer from you Great-Auntie Aurora and 2nd Cousin Lavinia when you were born. But, in all of the hustle and bustle, we never got around to assembling it. Well, it helps to have an engineer in the house! Your Grandpa Shane put that thing together and you couldn't be more thrilled. Once you got over your hesitation, you started jumping and turning and laughing and playing. Merry Christmas to YOU! and... Thank you, Shango!

Happy Birthday 'Chelle

2008-12-22T11:29:00.001-06:00

It isn't always fun having a birthday close to Christmas. I imagine that it's neat for the parents (What a present!), but it sometimes stinks for the kid (combining the celebrations instead of two different ones to look forward to). I know this because my sister, you Aunt 'Chelle, has a birthday on December 23.

We had presents that morning and then went to a yummy lunch at Luna de Noche (serious yum) before your daddy and I had to get to church (5 Christmas Eve services- me producing, daddy playing a trashcan in our "Drummer Boy" song... think "Drummer Boy" meets 'Stomp'). We made the most of it though and laughed and made a scene (not unusual for us). Aunt Lissa and Grandpa Shane and I all got to laugh and play with you. The highlight: 'Chelle got serenaded which is always hilarious for us and terribly disturbing for her. :)

So Happy Together!

2008-12-21T11:13:00.002-06:00

I love my family. We're a wonky bunch but being around my family rejuvenates me (and sometimes drives me insane). I've got a variety of 'family' combos, but any of them work for me! Here's Shango, you, Madgie, me and your Papa.

Par-Teh

2008-12-20T11:02:00.000-06:00

Our "date nights" are few and far between right now. Not the best scenario, we know, but we love being with you and, to be honest, we're too exhausted to get dressed up and go out. :)

Tonight, we decided to attend the Preston Trail staff Christmas party. While it was still work related, it felt nice to laugh together with other adults.

Mama... I mean, Mary

2008-12-19T10:17:00.003-06:00

Don't let the scarf fool you, it's still me. I was asked to help with the Christmas celebration at a nursing home, one of our church partners. I played Mary and told the story of her visit from the Angel. It was a really neat evening and you had fun. You love to listen to music and the carols made you smile. And who knew I would actually have an opportunity to wear the nightgown Madgie got me from Egypt? What you can't see is the pink sweatpants I had to wear underneath it because it was cold and that nightgown had side slits all the way up to the hips! AND... note to self, wearing 5 yards of fabric around your head looks nice but is hot, bulky and doesn't stay in place. :)

Holiday Elf

2008-12-18T10:02:00.003-06:00

Hello, Sweet Girl-- I just have one thing to say. Baby 'Holiday Wear' is so fun. I know I've had you wearing it since the day after Thanksgiving, but it is just so cute. Green hoodies?!?!? HECK YEAH!!! I love your sweet face, Kiana Rose.

The Greek word for "favor" is charis and means "grace, particularly that which causes joy, pleasure, gratification, favor, acceptance." Jesus grew in this kind of "favor." It's this definition of "favor" that makes me think of you, sweet bug. Not that I'm calling you Jesus, hee hee, but that you delight everyone who encounters you. I look at you and fall in love with God even more... especially when you're wearing a green hoodie!

The Christmas Story

2008-12-17T11:56:00.002-06:00

I was able to participate in the church's Christmas party with the Stonebrook apartment complex. It was such a fun celebration. I got to brush up on my Spanish and my charades (when my Spanish didn't quite do the trick) and we had a wonderful time. The kids (and their families) got to do crafts, eat yummy food, take pictures with Santa and enjoy a show of carols, storytelling and laughs. Kiana, I hope you take advantage of opportunities to laugh with and learn from other people. It grows your heart.

The Good Witch of the South

2008-12-17T09:57:00.002-06:00

The day was stinking COLD and I had just rushed you out of the church and into the car. Your blanket had been covering the carrier so that you could be shielded from the ice winds. Well, when I got you in the car and looked down I laughed so hard. It was almost out of our own little "Wizard of Oz" story. All we needed were the ruby slippers to be on those sweet little freezing feet. :)

Well, he tried

2008-12-16T09:52:00.002-06:00

Daddy went out to California for a business trip and was so excited to get you an official outfit from Disney (we both have a thing for The Mouse). But he wasn't sure about the size and so... well, you can see for yourself. But, it was a very sweet thought. :)

3 Generations of Love

2008-12-15T09:21:00.004-06:00

Hey, Lady Love

I wanted to group these pictures together because I think there is something very special here I don't want you to miss. Not everyone is as blessed with as much love as we share and its value is worth recognizing. It is my prayer that when this life gets nutty, and it will, the love that surrounds you will be a strength for you; that you'll be able to roll around in it, celebrate it and rest in it.

First we have a picture of your daddy and your Ama. Is it funny to think of your daddy as someone's baby (especially when he is so much taller than Ama)? He is. Me too. We have moms and dads that love us very much and worked so hard to try to make our lives happy and good.

Then, there is a picture of you and your daddy. He learned how to love from watching his parents love on him. Now he shares all of those hugs and kisses and laughs with you. PS- I love how you stick out your tongue when you're concentrating. :)

Finally, there is a picture of your Ama with you. The fun thing with love is that it doesn't have to run out. Shakespeare has Juliet say, "my love is like an ocean, the more I give the more I have" (or something close to that). Ama didn't run out of love with Dustin and Yvonne but has more and more to share with you and your cousin Lauren (among others).

Love is a many splendored thing, as the song goes, but mainly it's what keeps us going. I pray that when you are faced with a choice, you choose to love. It's easy to not because love can be very hard sometimes. But the rewards of love, even when it is hard, can take your breath away. Look at you, sweet girl. You are a living example of the amazing possibilities of choosing love.

From Daddy

2008-12-13T22:30:00.000-06:00

My Dearest Kiana -

Today, we dedicated you to Christ. This is a day where we said before our family and friends that we were going to raise you in a way that was focused on knowing Christ and following Him. That is a tall order. My little one – it is my prayer that you follow this man known as Jesus Christ. He will love you and be faithful to you when we, your parents, unthinkably fail you. It is so hard to conceive, much less imagine, us failing you. My life belongs to you and your Mother. You two are so precious to me. You will find that “precious” is so overused in our society but no one in my life have been so precious to me as you and your Mother.

As your father, I will do my best to not fail you even though I know there are going to be times when I do. I will disappoint, I will falter, I will be human. But there is One that will not and he is God; He is Christ. I cannot explain everything about that as I am still discovering what that means for myself. I will continue to grow in that endeavor. However, this much I know – He IS faithful. Even when you don’t think he is or when you don’t think he’s listening or paying attention to your prayers. Or when you don’t think you can change his mind and very bad and hurtful things happen in your life – he is still faithful. The evidence of that in my own life is your mother – my wonderfully amazing wife – and YOU. You probably won’t fully understand this until you perhaps become a parent or spouse yourself but I cannot express the depth of meaning when I say that I do not deserve you or your mother. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love you because in my own heart – I cannot begin to see the limit of that love.

You have the most sweet and amazing temperament and are wonderfully inquisitive. Three nights ago we were doing our nighttime routine and you spent 20 minutes just ever so gently exploring your Daddy’s face in the dark. You patted my cheeks, tugged at my lips, pinched my nose, stroked my chin – all to feel my face. It was simply wondrous.

Father God – You have chosen this imperfect child to teach his own child. You know how broken I am and all the pieces that make up your servant. But I will try and commit my life to raising her in that way. You are love even when I cannot see you. You have loved me in times where I only recognize it by looking back along that broken road. But with all those broken pieces, I offer it up to you and ask for your help and grace to help my daughter Kiana understand that Amazing Grace and Amazing Love that we find in you, Jesus Christ our Savior.

The Prayer and The Party

2008-12-13T22:25:00.005-06:00

Hello, Boogie

Well, here is the real thing. Surrounded by some of our closest and dearest family and friends, we told God that we were committed to teaching you about Him. We told Him that we would joyfully (even if at times it is scary or uncertain) accept His will for your life.

Then, we got home and the celebration continued. There was a TON of laughter, fun and food!

It was important to me, as I've been thinking through this process, to claim a verse from the bible that could serve as your "life verse." One that we will pray over you throughout your life. You can always choose your own, I hope you do, but here is the one we selected for you:

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)
The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.

We love you so much and we're so blessed to be your parents.

Getting Ready

2008-12-13T22:20:00.000-06:00

Hello, Little Lady!

Tonight's the night! Welcome to one of the 'Big Days' in your life. It's one of those days where those who love you gather around you to offer their love, support, prayers and encouragement. We're all here (all 5 of your grandparents included)!

Your Ah-Mah bought you that dress and your Grammy got you the cross necklace (aren't you precious?). Look at your hair!?!? Love it! With the headband though, you can tell your ears are like mine (a bit pointy at the end... my little elf).

You want to sit up by yourself so badly. It won't be long though.

Thank you for sharing your amazing happiness with all of us. What a joy you are, Kiana. Not because you do everything 'right,' but simply because of who you are. You're a very cool little person!

A Mother's Wish

2008-12-13T22:18:00.005-06:00

Hey, Baby

I am in the process of preparing myself for your dedication this evening. It's gonna be a big day! I've been praying about it a lot and trying to understand the scope of what is about to happen. It's been a lot tougher than I imagined it would. I thought, we'd have the ceremony, we'd have a party, we'd say a prayer and off we'd go. But, the weight of it has been steadily creeping up on me and it's been heavy. You see, you, my daughter, are the only pure, good, and perfect thing in my life. When I think about giving up my rights to you as a parent (but never my care or love for you), to entrust your life back into the Hands of the One who gave it to you in the first place, to align my desires for your life first to the will of God's for you... it's a tough thing to do.

But then I remember that you were a gift to me. I've been entrusted to love you and care for you and guide you and lead you. I've been given the privilege to laugh with you and cry with you and walk this life with you. I'm your mommy. But, you are God's just as I am. He can give you things, eternal things, that we will never be able to. He will give you life in a way I can't. I don't know how to word all of this in a way that makes sense, but to say this...

It isn't lightly that your father and I dedicate your life to God. Leviticus 27:28 says, "But nothing that a man owns and devotes to the LORD... may be sold or redeemed (bought back at a price); everything so devoted is most holy to the LORD." We trust that God finds you most holy. He treasures you above all else. We are counting on that.

Lord, You gave Your child for me. To entrust mine back to You is still terrifying for me, but I do it anyway. I believe you to be good. Otherwise, there is no way I would be able to do this. I believe you have her absolute best in your heart. Even in moments of doubt or fear, I believe you to be both great and good. Protect her. Guide her. Reveal Yourself to her. Be her friend. Be faithful to her. Prove Yourself trustworthy to her as You have so often done for me. Hold her tightly to You. Shower her with Your love. Lord, I ask that You please give me courage and wisdom as her mother to take my role as her care-giver and guide and allow You to be her Savior. She is the most precious gift I have to give, but I place her in your hands, Father. Watch over her relentlessly. You do not faint and you won't grow weary. I am counting on that, sweet LORD.

Great Joy

2008-12-13T22:15:00.003-06:00

Hey, Keeks

Luke 2:10 is among a group of verses telling about an angel's visit to a bunch of dirty, outcast shepherds. When the angel appears, the shepherds are so scared. "But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people."

What would it be like if we told others about Jesus with 'great joy'? What would it be like if we didn't scare people into trusting Jesus or guilt them or coerce them in any way, but instead shared with others in JOY? What if we reminded ourselves that Jesus came to us with Joy?

There is much I want to do in this world for Jesus. He is worth it too! Every good thing in my life comes from Him (that includes you, my angel). He has stood beside me during some really dark times, He has healed me from new and old scars, He has given me new life, new relationships and a new hope. He has given me more than I can even imagine and I want to give back. I want to share with others this amazing JOY.

I want to be great, but not out of selfish ambition, but to use my life to have influence on the world. You know what? That can be accomplished by me doing 'great' things in the eyes of the world. But it can also be done by simply loving you and your daddy. Did you know that? If I touch the lives around me, and they touch the lives around them... the whole world is the beneficiary. Now, don't get me wrong, I believe that our neighbor is both next door and around the world, and we are called to love and serve them ALL (that verse tells us that Jesus came 'for all the people'). But, when the weight of it all feels like too much, I rest in the fact that I am changing the world every day by loving you.

I love you, sweet girl! I love you with Great Joy! Always, Mama

Do NOT Mess With Me

2008-12-13T22:12:00.002-06:00

There are times when your joy gives way to unquestionable seriousness. I make sure not to laugh in front of you because I understand the transition. But your face is just so darn cute. You will hold onto the foot of your new favorite toy (the pink and purple one) and just glare intensely. You are the master of Zen.

Shogun's

2008-12-12T21:48:00.003-06:00

We decided to out to dinner at a restaurant called "Shogun's." It's Japanese food and they cook it right in front of you. You were enthralled with the cooks and they were equally fascinated with you. Your smiles and laughs and big, big eyes made them show off even more!

It was such a fun evening for us to celebrate together. There wasn't any special reason, but the simple idea of being together is worthy enough. We are surrounded by so much love and we are incredibly blessed. I hope we never take that for granted.

You're growing up so quickly, little one. You are beginning to lose your baby face and growing into your little girl face. You are sensing the world around you and it is opening up in ways you couldn't possibly imagine but are overjoyed to discover. Thank you for sharing that adventure with us. May it continue for a long time!

Bathtime Babe

2008-12-11T19:38:00.000-06:00

Bathtime is still one of your favorite times of the day (evening), and ours. We laugh together and watch you figure out the water (new trick- kicking and splashing). I didn't upload the cutest pictures because, well A) I couldn't figure out photoshop or even the Picasa editor thingy and B) well, the first reason is really the reason. BUT, these pictures are still great. You're such a pinup girl biting that finger. And then, you daddy is sad that your hair is no longer standing up so tall so often, so he makes up for it during your bath. Rock on, Baby Girl!

Fun Family Photos

2008-12-10T18:44:00.005-06:00

It was family photo time! In fact, it was 'Fun Family Photo' Time. Yeah, I know, we're weird (at least I do draw a line at spelling 'photo' like 'foto'), but it works for us. You can rebel later, but for now, you're forced to go with it. :)
It's a rule.)

None of us were "dressed up" (in fact, I look pretty heinous), but we were together and wanted to take the opportunity to capture some moments for posterity (especially when we have someone to take a pic of the three of us).

The idea was this: since we were hosting Christmas this year, we wanted to start a tradition of everyone wearing Christmas pajamas (there is a long standing joke... I mean, tradition of matching pajamas thanks to your Grammy). We didn't make people MATCH, but there was encouragement to COORDINATE. I wasn't sure which pajamas were going to look best (or if Dustin would sport the red/pink combination), so I got us a couple of pairs. A girl can NEVER have too many pairs of pajamas!

In these particular pictures, yes, I do love your smile. It's precious and beautiful and lights up my world. But it's the ones where you are NOT smiling that I love the most. My total fav is the one of us three where your brow is furrowed. HILARIOUS! You don't always have a lot of patience for 'fun family photos.' You're a sport about it though. You will take notice, however, that your biggest smiles are when your daddy is the one either behind the camera or getting your attention.

Delight

2008-12-10T18:22:00.006-06:00

Hello, Little One

Psalm 115:1- Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness.

Your daddy and I look at your sweet face and your joy and your love for life and then look at each other with wonder. We think, "How did we make that?" We notice bits of each of us in you, but the package is completely your own. We marvel at your curiosity and desire to know what things are, how they work, and naturally... how they taste. The truth is, we didn't make you. I mean, we MADE you, but we believe it was God, a loving and faithful God, that determined the packaging. It was He that gave you all of that personality, joy and laughter. Truly, not to us LORD, but to YOU be all the glory.

When I look at you, I love God more. When I play with you, I love God more. When I hear you sing or laugh, I love God more. When I feed you, I love God more. When I give you a bath, I love God more. When I watch you sleep, I love God more. I see you and I understand the meaning of the word "delight." That God would love me so much to give me the responsibility and joy of being your mother... AHHHH. I love Him so much more.

Your daddy and I love you so much, Kiana Rose, but there WILL come the day when we disappoint you. While it may not seem like it at times, and you will have big questions (I do), I hope the day comes that you believe God's love to be unfailing and incredibly faithful.

We love you more than you can imagine, Us

Grammy's Here!

2008-12-09T12:24:00.002-06:00

Well, she's finally here. She hasn't been able to see you or play with you since you were 2 weeks old, but she's here now.

Your Grammy has missed you SO much. I send her pictures and tell her stories, but it's just not the same as getting to hear your sweet laugh and watch the sparkle in your eye as you explore your world in person. Nothing compares to upclose and personal time with Kiana Rose!

She's finally here! She's so excited to play with you, laugh with you, read to you and TAKE YOUR PICTURE! (They don't call 'em 'photos by Freda' for nothin,' kiddo)

These next 6 weeks are going to be full of giggles, outfits with frills, sweet snuggle time and camera flashes. Get ready for it, Baby Girl.

Morning just isn't morning without...

2008-12-09T12:18:00.000-06:00

sucking on your mom's face and making funny faces.

Good Night, Moon

2008-12-08T11:46:00.002-06:00

In every book we read about 'how to get your baby to sleep,' creating a bedtime routine seems to be the key. It establishes consistency and like Pavlov's dogs, tels your little body that it is time to go to sleep for the night and the WHOLE night. So, after we give you your last bottle, we give you a bath, head upstairs for lotion and jammies, talk together and tell about our days, pray and have story time.

We read 3 books each night. I typically chose "Snuggle Puppy" and "Tails" (with the occasional "The Fairy who Could Not Fly") as my first 2 selections and your father usually chooses "On the Farm" or "Baby Faces" (with the occasional "The Foot Book"). Your favorite, however, is always #3 in the list. It's called Goodnight, Moon and you love it. I care for it much less, but it never fails to make your eyelids droopy by the time we are saying goodnight to the kittens and the mittens. Works for me. There is one page that I firmly disagree with (signaled by my softly vocalized "boo" at the end of it every time-- funny story, your daddy does it now too which cracks me up) that is a blank page and says "Goodnight, Nobody." WHAT?!?! They couldn't be more creative than that? Is it like the 'good night to everything that we've forgotten' page? I don't know, but it hacks me off pretty good sometimes. If it didn't send you to sleep so soundly and quickly, I just might write off the "Goodnight, Moon" in exchange for "Barnyard Dance" or "Hugs." But... I digress

We both love night time, but your daddy loves it extra special. You like to take your finger and press it semi-gently into his face. You move your knuckle back and forth like you're examining how finger joints work. It's really just you trying to keep yourself awake, but it's sweet so we let you do it for a while. :)

You are such an incredible addition to our family. What delight we take in watching you grow and learn. Your daddy will say "turn page" and you'll reach up to grab it. You're usually trying to turn it the wrong way, but some cultures read back to front, so that's cool. :) We love watching you look at the pages and try to pull the images off of them. You'll scratch at it thinking it comes off the page. Anything with textures or sounds... GOLDEN! But, alas, all other books are relegated to be first or second because the evening must be complete with and only with the refrain "Goodnight noises everywhere."

Sleep with Angels, little bug

A Thought on Faith

2008-12-07T14:23:00.006-06:00

Hello, precious girl
I'm still working through a book I got quite a while ago, "Eat, Pray, Love." Sometimes I do that with books. Some you can read right though, and others need to be taken in segments. This, for me, is one of those 2nd kind of books. While it could be a quick read, I choose to read a bit, swish it around in my mouth and heart for a while and then take on a bit more. This is a book about faith and joy and love and learning. It's about forgiveness and growth and acceptance and journey. It's about friendship and addiction and release and world travel. Those are all sacred subjects to me. I want to make sure I don't miss something.

Right now the author is talking about faith. She writes "Devotion is diligence without assurance. Faith is a way of saying, 'Yes, I pre-accept the terms of the universe and I embrace in advance what I am presently incapable of understanding. ... Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy."

See what I mean? Got to take this one slowly. There is a lot there that needs to be unpacked a bit. I get so excited with nodding my head up and down in agreement that I'm not careful to give a gut check to what it is I am giving my assent. Is that really what Faith is? I would say, yes, but maybe not in its entirety. As followers of Jesus, there are some indicators (if not yet 'answers') as to the meaning of life, the nature of God, and the destiny of our souls. But, before I get ahead of myself, she continues to write... and this is what excites me most...

"I'm not interested in the insurance industry. I'm tired of being a skeptic, I'm irritated by spiritual prudence and I feel bored and parched by empirical debate. I don't want to hear it anymore. I couldn't care less about evidence and proof and assurances. I just want God. I want God inside me. I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on water."

THAT... I get. While I pride myself in being a 'learner,' there are important times in your life when you quit 'thinking' and just 'do.' Jesus often calls us to have 'faith like a child.' What does that mean? I'm not fully sure, but I think it has something to do with letting go of our 'assurances' and our 'conclusions' and instead embracing vulnerability, uncertainty and trust. Right now, you trust me and depend on me to make decisions on your best behalf. You believe me to be working for your good. While it is my deepest prayer that I am doing just that, I am fallible and human. God, however, doesn't fail us. Seeing as how He created us, He knows EXACTLY what is best for us. He gives us free will and we can chose all sorts of stuff (I don't believe that negates us from the love of God, but I do know firsthand that it can lead us on detours that require some journey to get back to where we want to be). But, when we seek His will for our lives (the one He already planned for us since before we were even growing in our mommy's bellies), we find we get to the 'blessing' that much sooner.

I also believe God has used my free will to teach me, grow me, develop my character and send me much blessing. But some of that has come at a cost. My poor choices don't get any credit here, but my freedom to make them does as well as the amazing way God used each of my hurts to make me into the person I now am.

All of that to say, they do call it a 'leap of faith' for good reason. There aren't any scientific assurances. But I believe with all my heart that God is good and is working for my good, and yours too. So, yes, I pre-accept the terms of this universe and embrace all that I do not yet understand. "I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on water."

Women's Brunch- Hope for the Holidays

2008-12-06T17:32:00.006-06:00

This afternoon, I spent time with an amazing woman named Nancy Guthrie (in the first picture). Man, has she lived a lot of life. She had a healthy son and then lost two children to a terrible disease called Zellwegger Syndrome. While I can't even begin to speak to her sense of loss or pain, I do recognize her desire to use her life, all of it, including the shadows and scars, to help others feel less alone.

The second picture is of Yvonne Gordon, a mentor and friend. After surviving a brain tumor and continuing to live with the consequences of it, she remains amazingly positive and loving. She, even in the dark of confusion and pain, trusted that she was in the hands of a loving God who had not let her go. She challenges me to do the same. Oh, how I love her.

Courtney Dolche was there too. She's in mommy and daddy's 'lifegroup' or Bible Study group and she amazes me. Courtney was married VERY early, a teenage mother, a single mother, and a warrior and defender of her children. She later met Kris and he became her teammate and partner. It was you, sweet girl, that got Kris to thinking about having children of his own with Courtney and now they're expecting TWINS! Courtney's life tells a story of compassion, perseverance and a sheer determination that God intended her (and her family) to be joyful and productive. I love her bunches.

Traci and Ria and I are all in a women's bible study group together. They were both older (well, not 22) when they got married and began families and they openly share the joys and challenges of their lives with me. You see, I was 26 when your daddy and I got married and 31 when I had you (not ancient, but not 'young' either). They encourage me and love me and hold me accountable. They love their families and have their own testimonies of standing firm when life was storming around them. They're awesome.

And then there is Christian. She laughs as loudly as I do... promise! She is a hugger too! When you and I had to go back into the hospital for your jaundice, Christian came up to visit us. She brought chocolate milk and donuts! (great friend!) Christian (with her husband Scott and their two youngins) has taught me what it means to look at reality and not dismiss it, but to find laughter and moments of joy in the midst of it.

There is benefit to spending time with other women. It was always a bit tough for me growing up. I mean, I had a few close girl friends and lots of casual friends, but I didn't really invest my time with them. Granted, being a girl during middle school and high school (even college sometimes) comes with its own unique set of challenges, but it was my experience that deep relationships with other girls were tough. But, as an adult, time with other ladies has become more and more important to me. Now, I still have only a few really close girl friends (and that's more than many) and lots of casual friends, but the value I place on those relationships has grown considerably. May you find that, my girl. May there be women in your life that encourage you, challenge you, love you, hug you, laugh with you, kick you in the tail, keep your secrets, hold your hand and simply stand beside you through life.

What a great way to spend a morning!

Freebird!

2008-12-06T10:10:00.001-06:00

The daily advancements and strides you make keep your daddy and I doing the "Happy Dance" (an arhythmical and silly outward expression of inward joy... it really must be seen to understand properly). They also keep this mom VERY aware of how quickly time flies and how precious each moment and every single day is with you. What a gift you are.

Today, all three of us were up at the church. Mommy and Daddy were working on a drama (that's what he gets for being married to the Director of Drama) and you were chillin' with us. Well, I had you out of your carseat but wanted you to be mobile so we tried you in the stroller ALL BY YOURSELF! And guess what?!?! You LOVED it! You were able to look around and see what was going on. You head was still a bit wonky, but you corrected every time it got too heavy (blame your daddy for that one, love). Oh, you are growing so quickly, little girl. Keep up the good work. :)

Sittin' Pretty

2008-12-02T16:43:00.003-06:00

You're such a big girl, huh?

While you can't quite sit up on your own yet, you love being propped up. We'll sit you in the corners of couches or chairs and you'll just sit there and look around like, "What? I'm just sitting here. You know. No big deal."

We love you so much!

You and Your Grandpop

2008-11-27T19:32:00.003-06:00

Hello, Bug

This Thanksgiving also brought you something that is priceless. You got to spend some one-on- one time with my daddy. I call him Pops so it made me laugh to call him Grandpop on your behalf. You certainly don't have to call him that, but at this point in your life I get to make most of your decisions. Fair? maybe not, but that's how it goes, kid. :)

You are so loved. So many people love you, care for you, make plans to see you, and live to hold and play with you. Your Grandpops is one of those people. When he is around you, it warms my heart so much. His whole world (outside of Mar, and us kiddos) is You, Allyson and Andrew. He LOVES being a grandpa.

Whenever you are around, he wants to be the one playing with you and making you laugh. He does a good job too. I'll tell you upfront that he is not such a fan of the diaper change (nothing gets you out of his arms sooner than a strange aroma all of a sudden), but he does what he can.

I just wanted to share with you another person who would do absolutely anything in this world for you. This last picture is of him saying 'bye' before we headed back to McKinney. It was really cold and we had the doors locked and the heater on. This back door wasn't open and Dad wouldn't let us leave. He kept saying, "Kiana wants to tell me 'bye.'" It was very cute. I don't know if you can tell how packed the car is in the picture, but travels with you require some SERIOUS stuff!

Baby's First Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T17:15:00.005-06:00

For your very first Thanksgiving, we took you to Arkansas. We spent it with your Grandmar and all of her family (when I say all, it was nearly all, but considering she is one of 8 kids... there were a BUNCH!) You had so many wonderful adventures even if you didn't sleep very well. You are such a curious kitten that you don't like to sleep when there are people to see, experiences to enjoy and laughter to be had. Here are a few highlights. All of the Thanksgiving pics are here. It was a cold trip and far from home, but we were together and that makes up for a lot.

You shared your snuggled with all of us and we were the better for it. You learned what it is like to be addicted to having your back scratched. You laughed BIG TIME with your Great Aunt Julie and even let your daddy "fly" you on his knee (loved that until you spit up on his leg). You are such a fun spirit, Kiana. You can be so laid back and excited at the same time. I'm not sure how it's done, but I am grateful for it. Thank you for being so generous with your affections.

We had another big first this week too! You celebrated your 5th month birthday and that means SOLID FOOD! Being in the Thanksgiving spirit, we selected Sweet Potatoes. They always remind me of my Grambo (my daddy's mom) and somehow having them be your first food was in honor of her. The look on your face was hilarious. You LOVED it. You were like a baby bird with that sweet little mouth WIDE open waiting for more... and not quite so patiently. You were awesome.

On our last night there we had a campfire. We roasted hotdogs and made S'MORES (well, kind of... your Grandmar thinks that having a marshmallow on fire but cold on the inside works for s'mores and it simply doesn't. How are you supposed to melt the chocolate?). It was super cold so we bundled you up and had some family snuggle time. You weren't such a fan of the smoke (we moved around the circle of chairs over and over and over to avoid it) but you loved to listen to the wood crackle and see the sparks (maybe you'll be a camping girl like your mama).

I love living life with you, Kiana. Your daddy and I are so incredibly blessed.

The 'Rose' in Kiana Rose

2008-11-26T12:15:00.002-06:00

Keeks,

You got to spend some time this week with some very special people. We got together with Grandmar's family (all my aunts and uncles, most of my cousins and their babies were all there) in Arkansas. We were glad to see everyone, but one of the main reasons we were there was to introduce you to your Great-Grandma Rose. She's the one who made your beautiful purple quilt (it's in the picture of the two of you together) Oh, how she's prayed for you. I remember the day I asked her and Mary if it would be okay to use their name as a part of yours (if we were having a girl, of course... we didn't know at the time). They both said, yes! (obviously) One day we'll talk about blended families and the blessings and challenges that go along with them, but I will tell you that I am a proud member of 4 families. While not born a Rose, I am one of them and so, my darling, are you. May the richness and diversity of your family history bring you great joy. You are the representation of many blended histories and they live on in you. May you look on your history, all of it, with compassion and grace. Choose from them the ones you claim as your own and fearlessly and without any guilt, lay aside those you don't. This is your life, Kiana Rose Lau... live it up!

Winter Wonderland

2008-11-25T13:38:00.000-06:00

Who is the cutest little baby in the entire freaking world? That, would be you!

That hat cracks your daddy and I UP. Sometimes it will get a little off center and the purple braids on the sides will get in your face. I've not seen you wage battle with a hat before, but you are certainly a worthy adversary! In this case, however, the Striped Hat of Doom won the day.

I Say "JUMP!"

2008-11-24T13:27:00.000-06:00

A NEW ADVENTURE! We went to a friend's house and you got to play in your very first "Jump-a-Roo." You were THRILLED! Those tiny little feet of yours got to kickin' and movin' and it was awesome! The look of joy on your face as you got to move in a new way was such fun to this mama's heart. Jump, Baby, Jump!

ps- pardon the David Lee Roth reference in the title... I couldn't help myself.

Happy Girl

2008-11-23T13:19:00.002-06:00

Hello, Bug

Every night is our "family time." Team Domanski taught us the term "Tubby Time" and we use it each night when we get your bath ready. You LOVE your baths. You are not such a fan of rinsing soap out of your hair, but the rest of it... way cool. You're now kicking your feet to splash the water on your daddy and I and you LOVE it.

We love you bunches and tons!

Laughing with Ah-Mah

2008-11-22T21:02:00.000-06:00

Your little laugh is one of the most precious sounds I've ever heard in my life. The sound of your squeal into the deep rumblings of your belly laugh... it's the sound of heaven, I swear it is. You're not always the first to jump into the party, you like to watch first. Your an observer of the world around you. You love riding in your stroller, but we have to make sure the top is back so you can see. As long as you can see, you are relaxed and at ease. When you can't see, you are less than thrilled. :) BUT... once you decide you're 'in,' you, my daughter, are IN. You are fully engaged and 'present' in the most wonderful sense of the world. What a treat it is to know you.

Attempts at a Family Picture

2008-11-22T20:30:00.001-06:00

These just make me laugh and I wanted to post them. You are certainly your own little woman, and I love it! While your independence may bring us to all sorts of 'personal growth opportunities,' I hope to support you in the journey YOU choose.

A Note about Journey

2008-11-22T18:41:00.002-06:00

Beeker,

I was reading from the Gospel of Luke this morning and was really touched by something I want to share with you. In Chapter 7, there are a few stories. One of them is of a Roman guard who asks Jesus to heal one of his servants. The guard is not only NOT Jewish or a follower of Jesus, but believes that if Jesus wanted to, he could heal the dying servant. Jesus, "amazed" by this man's faith, heals the servant. Then, it goes on to the story of a widow burying her only son. In her grief, she doesn't say a word. But Jesus, seeing her pain (without someone to help her, a widow was left to beg for her food), approaches the dead boy and tells him to "get up." You know what happens then? HE DOES! Nothing the mother or the son did "earned" them the healing. They didn't even ask for it. Jesus just did it because He could and He wanted to do it.

I think there are lots of times in our lives where His instinct is just to "fix it." He could, instantly. But I also think there are times where the journey to the solution is important and in His love, He allows us to walk it. One of God's greatest gifts to us (and sometimes worst problems) is free will. We get choice. We get process. We get to come to our own conclusions and the path to some of those conclusions is incredibly important. If that seems mean, and sometimes it feels that way, no matter how dark the road, I can promise you that we never walk it alone. I've struggled with, and still do, a competitive nature, a selfish ambition, a raging ego and an addiction to praise. While I don't buy into the "what a worthless wretch am I" spirit (I do believe that left to my own devices I make terrible decisions. But I also believe I was created in the image of a good and loving God and in His name, I am of immeasurable worth and value), I humbly admit that I am in need of God's help in my life. I believe that Jesus could just zap our troubles before they ever got to us if He wanted, and I think there are occasions when He does just that and we don't even know it. I just think there are also times when He allows us to walk through the darkness because the growth that results from the journey is greater than the darkness itself. Like I've said before, I do NOT believe God CAUSES evil or suffering or bad things to happen. I just believe that He is the God who redeems all of the darkness and the result of that redemption is growth, appreciation, awareness and learning. He is a good God.

It just struck my heart again what a good God we serve and I wanted to share it with you. You and your daddy are the most precious people in my life. God has blessed me with you, my precious Kiana, and has charged me with the task of teaching you about Him. Serving Him daily is most often revealed in the way that we love other people around us. I want to serve Him by the way I love you and your daddy. I want you to know His goodness and His love for people. We, as followers of Jesus, are called to love what God loves and God loves people. In your own journey and in your own way, may you also choose to love.

Always... Mama

You and your Ah-Mah

2008-11-21T18:41:00.000-06:00

Hey, Bee

You had a wonderful weekend with your Ah-Mah! She came into town and you two laughed together and played together so much. You don't get to see each other as often as we'd all like, so we try to take advantage of the times we do have.

We got you a cute winter hat and you are absolutely precious in it! The only thing was when you wore it for a while, your exceptionally tall hair laid down. We now have a preview of what you will look like when that hair finally gives up the fight against gravity. The answer is... you're still precious!

She helped with your cereal (great trick using the pink bowl as a distraction so you'd look up and eat versus coming after the cereal with your face into the bowl). You are eating so much better. You're still trying to figure out what to do with your tongue and end up pushing out more food than you actually swallow, but you're getting the hang of it. We look forward to the day when vegetables and fruits are added to the menu. BUT... for now, we will stick with the rice (your father says it should be added to the "superfood" list).

After eating, it was bath time. This is one of your favorite times of your day. Ah-Mah helped although your daddy designed your hair! Silly, Papa.

Your Ah-Mah put lotion on your and helped you get into your cute pajamas. Then, she played with you until it was time to sleep. You'd played hard and you slept equally hard (thank you, Lord).

When morning got here, it was back to play time. She sat you in your activity chair and you guys laughed and talked and played and squealed. You are such a precious girl. You are so generous with your energy and your laughter and your love. I pray that is something that continues in you, my darling. We are all the better for it!

Your Nemisis and Friend... the Ladybug Mirror

2008-11-20T18:41:00.000-06:00

You have a great time playing with your little chair. You're improving daily in your ability to reach out and grab objects like... my hair, my earrings, my necklaces, your daddy's glasses, Tucker's ears, etc. One of your favorite objects is the ladybug mirror on your fun chair. It spins which delights and frustrates you because you can't make it just come off of that silly chair and get into your mouth... your ultimate desire. You stare at it, try to hold it, and spin it a lot. You give it commands in your most authoritative squeal, and yet it still refuses to comply. But, in your typical gracious style, you ultimately forgive and continue to love your Ladybug Lady. Well, that or you just give up and move on to a different toy.

Team Hearn

2008-11-17T18:40:00.003-06:00

Hey, Little Girl

Your (he finds the "great" to be important so...) Great Aunt Julie and Great Uncle Randy and 2nd cousin (or 1st step-cousin, once removed) Becca came to visit you... and us. (I wouldn't worry much about the family tree. You kind of need a map. We'll just say... some 'kin' that loves you very much came to visit.)

These people are some of the most important in my life. They've allowed your daddy and me to stand beside them through some incredibly dark times and in doing so revealed to us some of the brightest light we've known. We love them very, very much.

We love the opportunities we get to spend time with them and to laugh together. They loved the chance to get to hold you and play with you and talk with you. From the smiles on your face, you didn't mind it either! :) Family is so important, little one (the ones you are born with as well as the ones you choose). Be open to the amazing life lessons you can learn from them- how to share, how to lean on people, how to laugh until you pee, how to let go, how to increase your ability to love, to forgive and to experience real community. Embrace them, even the goofy ones like your Great Uncle Randy. You may end up spending some time on a therapist's couch (I have a great reference if you need one), but loving is worth it.

Take It Easy

2008-11-15T18:41:00.004-06:00

There are many perks to be the wife of an HP sales person and one of them is the occasional trip to the HP suite at the American Airlines Center. I've been able to see Paul McCartney, Depeche Mode, Destiny's Child, the Mavericks and the Stars here in this arena. Well, tonight, we got a special treat... the Eagle's!!

I grew up listening to this music and it was awesome! They're not so cute, but they can play their instruments like mad men. It was so great. What made it even better was that we got to go with Russell and Jayne Patterson (dear, dear friends). Your daddy and Russell both work for HP and often get together for 'business.' It was fun, as spouses, to tag along.

We thank the Hoffschwelle's for watching you while we had a night out. They kept us posted with regular text messages concerning your evening activities.

It's not often that your daddy and I have the chance to get dressed up and spend time together. It's important to keep investing in your marriage. Kiana, you mean the world to me, but you, sweet girl, are not the center of it. I pray in your life, outside of taking care of your personal wellness, God comes first, your spouse comes second and your children are third. Then everything else can fall in line. We love you very, very much... our little Witchy Woman.

ps- I confess I smuggled this camera into the arena. BUT... pictures are important, right? :)

Silence and Rest

2008-11-15T16:21:00.000-06:00

There are simply times when we are in deep need of silence and of rest. This world has so much to offer, but it all comes at a price. In order to stay centered, grounded, focused, and sane for that matter, you must be able to practice the fine art of silence and rest. It is in times of meditation that we get still, quiet our wondering hearts and feel the presence of God.

Be at peace, my girl. Your daddy and I are standing guard. Rest and be at peace.

Hands Free!

2008-11-13T15:50:00.002-06:00

So, we heard about this 'Podee' bottle. While it looks strange, it is amazing! It's got this little tube thing so that even when your baby can't yet hold their bottle, they can feed themselves. AHHHH. The clouds of heaven have opened and the angels have descended to deliver this gift of goodness! All new moms... get one! It makes all the difference when you're trying to work a bottle and a shopping cart!

ps- Dr. Brown's normal bottle (not the fat ones like we have) nipple works in these perfectly!

Just Let Go!

2008-11-12T15:54:00.005-06:00

In John Ortberg's book "Faith and Doubt," he tells the story about a family of flying trapeze artists. The father of that family, the catcher, says that it is the catcher's job to do the hard work. Their job entails watching, catching and bringing the flyer back to safety. All the flyer is required to do is step off the platform and with trust and confidence, reach out for the catcher's arms. They must trust the catcher completely in order to make it all work. They can't do it on their own.

That image is similar to a ride on a zip cord. You get all strapped in and are on the highest platform imaginable (well, for one with height issues it is). You step off and go flying through the air. You think that it's your job to hold on, until your knuckles turn white and you almost pass out, as tightly as possible so you wont' fall. That is, until you realize that it's not YOU holding you up. If you let go, you're going to end up in the same place, but you'll probably enjoy the ride a whole lot more.

My lovely daughter, I think most people struggle with control. My wish for you is that you boldly step from the platform of control and with trust in a very good and faithful God, just let go and soar! FLY!!!

ps- I love your hair!

All by Myseeeeeeeelf

2008-11-11T18:57:00.001-06:00

Well, you did it... WE did it!

This morning got here, and I felt deeply in my heart that it was time for you to move into your own bedroom. We'd been preparing it for you for months and months. It was time.

Lately, we've all been held hostage in the master bedroom. We wake you up when we run the water to brush our teeth, watch late night tv, your daddy's alarm goes off again and again and again and again (thank you very much, snooze button) or one of us flushes the toilet. You wake us up with your rolling around, giggly dreams and snoring (sorry, Love, but you snore). It was time for some freedom for us all.

Before you were born, there was this big issue in my heart about Dustin cutting the umbilical cord. Something about him being the one to remove you as part of me totally freaked me out. Bizarre, maybe, but true all the same. But, after lots of conversation (thank you, Dr. Austin), we determined that it would be our gift to you. We would cut the cord and in essence, give you the gift of yourself. Well, we ended up with a C-section, and your daddy couldn't go 'beyond the sheet'... believe me, I was very okay with that, so Dr. Robins CUT it, but your daddy did trim it later! I would have participated, but I was... well, being put back together. The time had come to figuratively cut the cord again. The peace in my heart I had so prayed for was finally there. And so, Kiana Rose... we give you the gift of your very own room.

Afraid I would change my mind, I packed up all your clothes and toys and sweet little shoes and took them all upstairs. Your daddy took down the pack-n-play and reattached your mobiles to your actual crib. We spent the day as usual, gave you your dinner and your bath, had family time, read books, prayed together and then put you down. You weren't quite sure what to do, but the familiar sight of your rainforest friends (love that line, thank you very much) calmed you. I hesitantly went back down stairs and slept with the video monitor close to my chest ready to fly up those stairs if need be.

But, like so many other adventures you've faced, you came through like a rock star.

Your daddy got up for your early morning feeding and when he didn't come back down I got a bit nervous. I walked up the stairs and into your room to see the two of your snuggled together. What a bit of heaven. :)

Way to go, Bug. We're all growing up.

Our Darling Diva

2008-11-11T17:10:00.001-06:00

Your joy and zest for life inspire my heart. You take such delight in the simple things around you. You are so curious and love to laugh. Ahh, how you bless my heart.

Love on!

Hilarity...

2008-11-09T18:57:00.001-06:00

Now, THAT is a very long tongue!

Light and Love

2008-11-08T18:24:00.008-06:00

Hello, our little one!

This is going to be a little love note to you. My intention was to make it a devotional thought, something poignant about life or love or something along those lines, so I got out my journal and a couple of the books I've been reading (yes, I can never just read one book at a time. Books are my passion (when asked the question, "What is your most prized material possession, outside of people or pets?", my response would have to be my books. BUT... I digress). As I was reading and searching for my "inspiration," I found a lot of good stuff, but none of it seemed appropriate for what I really wanted to say to you this morning. What I want to say was/is, "Good Morning, Baby Girl. Your mommy and daddy love you very much. We're daily amazed at how much we love you. Your humor and curiosity and determination and feisty yet zen (the yen and the yang, baby) spirit and dare we forget to mention the hair, the amazingly tall and fabulous hair, make us thank God daily that we get to be your guides along this part of your life's adventure." I couldn't find anything in there that said that.

Oh... intentions. You see, it's just like me to find myself at a loss when I try to 'plan' something with my head instead of just going with it with my heart. I imagine sometimes God looks at me, rolls his eyes gently (yes, He can do that and still love me), chuckles to Himself and says, "Beloved, we're back here again?--sigh-- All right, let's do this thing." He's incredibly patient with me, and maybe a bit amused. My knows my heart, he created it, and therefore knows the intents of my heart. They are good. I have a courageous heart. I have a big and loving heart. There are places held together by paper clips and Hello Kitty pink scotch tape, but it holds together and lives to love another day. I have a tendency to live my life running with my arms wide open resulting in the occasional face plant into a brick wall, but there is also wind in my hair and freedom in my heart. I choose to live that way. I used to just 'do it' without thinking, but I choose it now. I'm intentional about it. I experienced a deep hurt and tried to live 'numb' for a while, nothing would get close to me so nothing could hurt me, but it just didn't fit with who I was created to be. I got really sad and eventually decided I would rather get hurt than not feel. Now, I'll be honest, and say that I am a bit more careful and controlled in some area of my life than I used to be (No Joke to those of you reading and smirking), but when it comes to living fully, I'm in! I accept the danger of loss ('love' and 'safety' will never be in the same sentence... to love is to risk), I chose it. Because the cost of not loving is way too high for me.

My precious daughter, I love you like that... with my heart's full abandon. I say that believing with total certainty that it will mean running into a few walls. Loving you is embracing the biggest risk of my life, because losing you is a thought I can't even begin to imagine. But I choose it. I don't know any other way to love you. (I love your daddy like that, too.) I will prayerfully try to keep my love from being smothering or suffocating. It is my hope that my love is an anchor in a storm and not the albatross around your neck (where did the boating references come from? don't know. See? This is the cost of sitting down without a plan and writing freely. By the way, I hated "Old Man and the Sea." You'll probably have to read it in school one day and I apologize. The most exciting part was when he peed off the side of the boat. Sorry, "Old Man" fans, but it's true! Oh, and "Red Badge of Courage," BOO!).

Well, look at that. Book report aside, it turned into a bit of a devotional all the same. See, He laughs and then gently leads me where He had intended to take me all along, if I'd simply let Him. God, you're cool.

Thank you, God, for the life of my daughter. May I be the mother you intended:involved but not controlling; a coach but not a dictator... or a floormat; a protector but not to isolate her from the troubles and hurts of this world, but rather to hold her hand and talk her through them. I love her, Lord. I love her so much. I understand a bit more about how you love me through my love for her and it makes me love you that much more. If You are anything, God, it is Light and it is Love. Thank you for both. I receive them gratefully and humbly.

Our Vote Counted

2008-11-04T11:21:00.002-06:00

Hey, Bug

Your daddy and I did something really cool today. We voted!

Voting is a right and a responsibility I hope you embrace. Many before you fought long and hard, enduring terrible sufferings, to give you that right. To participate in your government is part of our duty as citizens of the United States (a privilege not shared in many countries, and especially not for women) as well our Christian duty. Whatever your political ideals, it is important to step up and be counted.

I admit that our government and all of its systems have deep flaws. No candidate will be perfect, nor will any one candidate agree with you on all of the issues important to you. So, you prayerfully consider it all, such a difficult task- world relations, economic issues, human rights, civil liberties, and so much more, and you vote your heart. There may be one or two key issues for you, but I encourage you to broaden your thinking, even if it doesn't change your vote, to consider a bigger picture.

This election has been a historic one. The Republican party had a female vice-presidential candidate and the Democratic party had an African American presidential candidate. When all of the votes came in, Barack Obama won! What a huge day in the life of our country, regardless of your political party. I believe there is an element of prejudice no matter your life experience. If it's not race, it could be education, economic status, gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, or any of a wide variety of things. But the right to be seen as equals under the law has been a struggle our country continues to fight. For many, many years, white men were the only ones allowed to vote. To elect an African American president... WOW!

It is my belief that God sees us all as equals; that His Son died equally for all of us. Colossians 1:19-20 says, "For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself ALL things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross." (the caps are mine not Apostle Paul's)

We should also pray for our leaders, whether we agree with them or not. 1Timothy 2:1-3 says, "I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone-- for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior." We should pray for their physical safety, their wisdom, their decisions, the safety and protection of their families, and for their leadership.

So, exercise your civic and spiritual duty, my little girl, and VOTE!

And President-elect Obama, Team Lau is praying for you. May God bless you and your family. May God show favor on you and your leadership and your decision making. May God keep you and yours safe and close. May God use you to bless our country and our world.

Sweetest Smiles for Daddy

2008-11-01T11:21:00.009-05:00

I can't tell you how much I love watching you and your daddy together. You are so sweet to each other. A daddy is very important to a little girl, you know, and you've got yourself a wonderful one. You reward his attention, funny songs and weird noises with the most innocent and holy giggles.

My cup runneth over.

Halloween Costume, Take 2

2008-10-31T15:23:00.000-05:00

Dustin's not allergic to THIS kitty! This was our much cooler and equally cute costume. I came after her with my eyeliner for whiskers and a nose, and isn't she just the cutest little kitty EVER!

While some of the neighbors did think she was a boy (let's be honest... there aren't a lot of boys dressed as kittens for Halloween? Tiger, yes. Lion, sure. Kitty? Really? Whatever.), we had a good time. We joined the neighbors in our cul-de-sac and had a bit of a block party, complete with grilled hotdogs, bounce house for the babies and LOTS of candy! Kiana and her smile were a HUGE hit.

The night ended with the sweetest of moments! Dustin got Kiana to giggling and it turned into full out belly laughs. Angelic, I tell you! The sweetest sound I ever did hear, outside of her very first cry in the delivery room!

Halloween Costume, Take 1

2008-10-31T15:13:00.000-05:00

So, the original idea was the cute pink bear (let's face it, the few days leading up to Halloween were FREEZING around here). But, as Dallas weather always goes... it was HOT on Halloween.

Just putting you in this to take a few pictures (and I DID get my pictures) had your cheeks glowing bright red. Keeping you in it all night was simply NOT going to work.

So, we went to plan B...

But... for the few minutes you were the pink bear, you were the cutest pink bear EVER!

Be Cool... Just Be Cool

2008-10-31T11:21:00.006-05:00

Hey, Baby Face with the most precious cheeks EVER!

I just got an email from a close friend who keeps up with the blog. She was a bit concerned for me since a lot of my... let's call them heart purges are pretty dark at times.

Life Lesson: There is a difference between a 'reaction' and a 'response.' My initial reaction was to go, "Uh huh" all 2nd grader like. But when I read back through them, I realized she was right on the money. :) Wow, did I need to hear her truth to me. I have been focusing a lot on my mistakes or my failures. The truth is, I've also had HUGE successes and lots of YEAH in my life. So, why all the time on the tough stuff? Well, I think if I am honest it is fear. I want to control everything and give you the best life and be a perfect mom and I can't do any of that! :) So, rather than just being cool and letting life be, rather than enjoying the present and living in the moment, rather than letting my perfectionism go and applying some of that trust I keep telling you about, I get all freaky. I apologize and I commit to being more balanced in the stories I leave for you. :)

May you have good friends in your life, sweet girl. Friends that hold you accountable in love and tell you to 'snap out of it!' They're priceless!

Hands like Your Mama!

2008-10-31T11:21:00.001-05:00

Okay, there is something incredibly important I need you to notice here (and no, it's not my awesome mushroom scarf or crocheted blanket my grandma made a LONG time ago). Look at your little pinky! Do you see that space between your ring finger and your pinky? Okay... you look a lot like your daddy (obviously), but every now and then I'll notice something that marks you as undeniably mine (outside of my stretch marks and belly button that will never be the same). I have that EXACT SAME space between my ring fingers and pinkies! The issue is that our ring fingers don't spread all the way out. I tend to grip my steering wheel with my pinkies (don't mention that to your driver's ed teacher) and have often had the thought... "Do I have this space because I hold my steering wheel like this or do I hold the steering wheel like this because there is a space?" Chicken and the egg, chicken and the egg. Well, you have answered my question!!! It's genetics, baby! I looked down and saw this and made your daddy go hunting for the camera to get a picture. I was grateful that my excitement didn't wake you!

The Lifter of My Head

2008-10-30T22:30:00.020-05:00

O LORD, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him." But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. Psalm 3:1-3

Good afternoon, Buggie (it just might be 3rd grade before you learn your name since we hardly ever use it!). It's Mama. There was something on my heart that I wanted to share with you (meaning, this is going to be a super long post because I have to make everything a bit complicated... read further).

I've rewritten this post so many times, I had to just erase it and start over. I have a tendency to make things a lot more complicated than they need to be (by the time you're able to read these things my issues will be no surprise to you!). When your Auntie Jordo and I worked in the WT costume shop, she would constantly laugh at me because I would take the most difficult course possible with EVERYTHING. I was the one who would sew a seam, trim it, serge the edges and make sure it was beautiful and perfect BEFORE I CHECKED TO SEE IF THE MEASUREMENT WAS EVEN CORRECT! Oh, how I made life difficult for myself. I liked things to be neat and pretty. I still do. I clean while I cook (your daddy doesn't struggle with this same issue which is why we don't do the "you cook, I'll clean" rule but the "you cook, you clean. I cook, I clean."). I have to organize my desk and clean the entire room before I can begin to work (I know, Mom, this is a struggle of mine SINCE living at home during high school). I don't like things to be messy or full of clutter. Oh, the irony!

Messy and full of clutter is almost a perfect descriptor for my brain, my heart and my life. Things have rarely if EVER been neat or tidy in my life, my choices, or my decisions. Maybe that's why I need the outside to look "just so," because the inside is all wonky. I don't know. But the need for pretty appearances led to some destructive habits for me... namely deception. Not always UGLY or OVERT deception, although there is plenty of that too, rather I employed a type of "innocent deception" (if there can be such a thing). I often pretended to be someone I wasn't (even though I really wanted to be that person I pretended to be). I kept myself very busy with people and activities because when I was alone, it would get tougher to deceive myself. The theatre was the PERFECT place to pretend. Deception on the stage isn't deception at all... it's playing, it's creativity, it's art. The most painful deception for me though was trying to deceive God. Trying to make Him see me as better than I really was. Trying to hide things from Him so He would still love me. Oh, Kiana, I was a mess.

The truth is, there was nothing I could do to make Him love me more. That's called "grace." Even better, there was nothing I could do to make Him love me less. That's also called "grace." He was patient with me, allowing me to convince myself that my ruse was working, but eventually it all caved in around me. I got so tired of the game. I got so tired of keeping all of the stories straight in my messy head. I got so overwhelmed with the energy it took to keep it all going. God began to engage me in what appeared to me to be a flat out war. I got in it too. I was tired of the gushy, lovey, bull that I didn't really believe. When I looked at my life, when I looked at my family, when I looked at my world (do you notice a lot of "my" in there?), I couldn't imagine a really LOVING God... not really. It just didn't add up. But He was and He is, sweet girl, He IS!

We got to wrastlin' (like Jacob and the "man" I told you about earlier) and it all came out. You see, I've learned God might have been in opposition to me, but it didn't mean he was against me. Far from it actually. He wanted me to learn to overcome (like Jacob). He had a blessing in mind for me and I needed to let go of a lot of old mess in order to receive it. My hands were full of past mistakes, past hurts, past problems and there was no room for me to hold on to a blessing. I was so angry, so incredibly angry, and most of it was directly aimed at God. He let me spew but He wouldn't let me go. He kept after me and kept after me... 'relentless pursuit' I've heard it called. There was more planned for my life than mere 'survival.' There was so much more.

When all the anger was spent, there was nothing left but this sense of emptiness. I looked at all of my mistakes (big and small) and hung my head in defeat. You don't know this yet, but when you get sad it's often hard to lift up your head. You don't want to make eye contact with ANYONE, especially yourself. You may be embarrassed, ashamed, confused, all sorts of emotions. The cool thing though is this: God doesn't want us to look down, even when we've messed up big time. He wants us to be able to look Him in the eye (so to speak), no matter the circumstance. I think He also wants us to be able to look other people in the eye. Even more so, I think He wants us to be able to look at ourselves in the eye... stare at that stupid mirror and be compassionate and loving to the one looking back.

Being loving towards ourselves is something Westerners don't understand or practice. Taking care of ourselves and being gentle to ourselves is seen as weak or selfish. I don't understand why. We fill ourselves with senseless guilt and stress and issues of the highest pain and then accept it as "normal." No more. Not for me. I'm learning to give up my title as "Queen of Self-Punishment." You see, I don't want that to be your example. You, Kiana, are such a huge part of my blessing. That doesn't obligate you to anything or require anything of you. You are just a reminder that there are beautiful things in this world worth fighting for, worth growing and maturing for, worth risking loss for. You make me want to be brave. I see you and I ask God to reveal to me everything that is broken or not working in me so that together He and I can name it and work through it. I look at you and I want to be the best me I can be (I get the same feeling when I look at your daddy). I don't want to pretend to be anyone else anymore. I just want to be me and have that be enough. God is the lifter of my head. He tells me that I am loved and valuable and worth great sacrifice... even with all of my failings.

When the world is eating at you and you find it tough to raise your head. When your many "foes" surround you, trust in the One who created you in Ultimate Love and let Him lift up your head. And if it makes you feel better, shout out Psalm 3:7- "Arise, O LORD! Deliver me, O my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked." Who says the Bible doesn't have a sense of humor? I often fantasize of David yelling, "Just smack 'em, God. Smack 'em upside their heads." (Did David grow up in Oklahoma like me?)

First Date for the Folks

2008-10-30T22:30:00.019-05:00

Daddy and I went on our first date tonight! We went bowling with our lifegroup (some friends that live around us that also go to PTCC). We had a great time, shared lots of laughs and even more fried food (bowling alley cuisine is something we will safe for another moment). I didn't bowl as well as I have in the past and didn't realize until later that I haven't bowled at all since I got pregnant over a year ago and, well... things have changed over the past year (pregnancy and delivery will do that to you). But, what I lacked in skill, I made up for in energy, noise and post throw dancing. We missed you, but it was fun for your daddy and I to laugh together.

From Mohawk to Bangs

2008-10-30T22:30:00.016-05:00

I'm going to be vulnerable, not my strongest area, and admit that I am grieving a bit. You precious hair is beginning to fall. It's not falling out, but rather down. You still have your crown of joy, but the front is more resembling bangs. You are still the most precious baby around and I love you with tall or small hair. And I can only assume you wouldn't be thrilled to be in 3rd grade with hair 3 ft. tall. It's just that you're growing up and time is passing (as it always has and will always do) and it makes me a bit sad.

Tom and Jerry

2008-10-28T22:30:00.000-05:00

Saturday isn't Saturday without some cartoon watching. You're working on rolling all the way over, but you've mastered the 'side roll.' I mean, you're an expert! The classic cat and mouse stole your attention, much like they do your father's and you rewarded them with huge smiles and giggles. What a joyful little person you are! Oh, how I love you.

4 Month Checkup with Dr. Kim

2008-10-27T22:27:00.024-05:00

You did such a great job at the doctor's today! You watched the fish in the lobby (including the eel that freaked me out!). You were very sweet with the nurses and Dr. Kim. They measured you and you are still in the 97th percentile for both height (over 26" long) and weight (16.15 ounces).

He checked your heart and it is ticking like a champ. He didn't expect you to be so strong but was very glad that you were! He laughed and said he KNEW you were only 4 months old, but you had the size and strength of a 6 month old! He said your congestion was really the result of changing weather and allergies (just like mommy and daddy) and we were doing what we should with the saline and suction. We asked him about the dry patches on your scalp and he said it was a bit of eczema and gave us a prescription to take care of it. He told us to put diaper rash cream on your neck to stop that rash (you're drooling like a crazy lady, and... you've got some significant chin rolls). We can start rice cereal now, vegetables at 5 months and fruit at 6 months (veggies before fruit, otherwise you may never touch the veggies). You didn't like the immunizations, but daddy held you and you calmed right down. No one really likes shots! Overall, it was a great check-up. We'll go back Dec. 29th for your 6 month appointment!

Way to go, brave girl!

Our China Doll meets Rice Cereal

2008-10-27T22:27:00.020-05:00

Dr. Kim told us that at 4 months, we could begin rice cereal. Well, here we are, my darling. Dustin figured you'd be a pro at the rice cereal, considering you're half Asian and all. In truth, you did pretty good. You put those beautiful cheeks to good use! You would take bite after bite and I was getting really excited. THEN... you would empty those suckers and the cereal would come flooding down your chin! It'll take patience on all of our parts, but you'll get better.

I'm so SHY!

2008-10-27T22:27:00.017-05:00

Kiana, you are so funny! You will ham it up and then get all embarrassed and shy. You make us laugh so hard. There are going to be times when you feel bigger than life. You'll want to dance and sing and make noise. There are going to be other times when you 'feel small.' Your dad and I developed that as our code word when I need him to be big for me. I'm a pretty strong lady and I usually can handle most anything. But there are times when I need him to hide me in those big arms of his. I don't do vulnerability well. In truth, I may always struggle with it, but I don't have to do it alone. I've got your daddy, and sweet girl, you've got us both. It's okay to feel BIG! It's okay to feel small. Be true to you, my love.

Bumbo Gone Wild

2008-10-27T22:27:00.013-05:00

One of the baby shower gifts we received was this awesome chair. It helps you learn to sit up and you've enjoyed sitting in it. Well, today, we added the activity tray. BIG FUN!

For a long time you just looked at it... very uncertain as to what to do with this thing. But, we showed you how to play with the different toys and eventually you tried them out for yourself. Kiana, you are so fun! You got so excited playing with them. You're holding onto things better and better everyday. You're learning how to see something you want to hold, reach for it and ACTUALLY GET IT! Yeah, Keeker!

Happy Four Month Birthday!

2008-10-27T22:26:00.004-05:00

We've decided to do something new... we're going to have someone different write each of your monthly birthday notes. Your daddy is going to write this one... coming soon!

To Crib or Not To Crib

2008-10-26T08:33:00.006-05:00

WE'RE HOME!! It was tough in the hotel. While it was such a blessing to have somewhere to stay, it was tough for Dustin to work from there AND for us to be there at the same time. You couldn't sleep while he worked and he had a tough time working while you were awake and noisy. I was just all around frustrated. :) But, we made it and have a HUGE appreciation for our wonderful home.

So, we're back and the floors are BEAUTIFUL and STINKY!!! We've been airing everything out but it's a bit cold and windy which isn't the best for your health. You didn't sleep well in the hotel (at ALL the first night... up every 3 hours just like when you were first born!) and even though we got a vaporizer, the air made us all a bit sniffly and congested.

Night one at home we all slept upstairs. You got to sleep in your bed for the first time ALL NIGHT LONG! You did a great job too! Daddy slept in the bed beside you and I was in the adjoining room. We wanted to be close to you, but your daddy's shoulders don't leave a lot of room for anyone else in a full size bed! :) It was so great to see you asleep in your very own room, but there were still projects (and pretty big ones) that we hadn't finished in your room. It didn't feel right (which is my way of saying, it wasn't perfect and I didn't want you living there on a regular basis until it was 'just right.' I know, silly, but it felt important to me). So, the next night, we put you back down in your pack-n-play in our room. The time is coming for you to be up there all the time, but your mommy is having a bit of a time with it. I'm praying that God will help me be strong and to make the transition. It is important for you to have your own space and for us to reclaim ours, but you're my little girl and I've never spent a night away from you. We'll get there, little one. We'll get there.

The Many Faces of Princess Kiana

2008-10-25T13:25:00.015-05:00

Grabbin' My Feet

2008-10-22T22:19:00.002-05:00

Look at your new trick! You're now Yoga Baby... reaching for and grabbing onto those feet. It's so fun to watch you grow and develop and learn new things. Your little baby abdominal muscles are fierce! :)

Look at your Little Hands

2008-10-22T22:18:00.003-05:00

I love to hold your hands. They are so small and perfect (except for your paper thin and razor sharp nails). Your entire hand fits around one of my fingers. Growing up, and still, my mom would get teary when she held my hand. She would trace my fingers with hers and hold on so tenderly and yet firmly. She would stare at my hands in hers. I get it now. I get it. When she looks at my hand in hers, even now, she sees that baby hand... her baby's hand.

I'll never get tired of holding your hand (well, let's check in again when you're two with super sticky hands!)

(ps- you're wearing a pair of overalls I bought for your cousin Allyson when she was a baby!)

Struggle Until the Blessing

2008-10-22T21:21:00.009-05:00

My most precious girl, there are so many things in this world that I simply do not understand. I don't know why terrible things happen to wonderful people. I don't know why so many children suffer. I don't know why there is extreme poverty and sickness and violence all over the world (and in our own country, our own city for that matter). I just don't know. But even in light of all that I don't know, I choose to believe that God is good. Sometimes that seems like a tough idea to reconcile when looking at the state of the world, but I do. I live in the hope that one day, our fallen world full of broken systems and broken hearts, will be redeemed and made new. But for now, we will continue to struggle until the blessing.

In Genesis, there is a story of a man named Jacob. He is one of the Old Testament patriarchs descended from Abraham. God had made a special promise to him, his ancestors and his descendants to make them into a great nation. Jacob had a lot of struggles and made some really poor decisions. He stole his older brother's blessing and manipulated many situations in his life. His name even means "heel grabber" because that's what he was doing when he and his twin brother were born. It means thief and trickster. He was both of those things.

But one day, he encountered a "man" and they began to wrestle. This wasn't like the funny wrestling on TV, this was for real and it was for keeps. They wrestled all night, but Jacob would NOT quit. He held on and kept going even when he was exhausted and frustrated. He was not going to give up. He had taken the easy road out of his problems so many times and he wasn't going to do that anymore. He was ready to experience new life, deeper character and real integrity. He told the "man," "I will not let you go unless you bless me." Blessings during this time were a BIG deal and the one he received from his father, he got by saying he was his older brother, Esau. So, the "man" says, "What is your name." This time, Jacob admits that he is really Jacob, a trickster and a deceiver. The "man" renames Jacob then and there, now calling him "Israel" ('struggles with God') because he had struggled with God and with man and overcame. The entire people of Israel called the Israelites, were descendants of Jacob/Israel. God kept his promise.

I think the lesson is this, God wants us to struggle with Him face to face. When we are mad at him or don't understand, He wants us to go to Him with it. There are issues that are in our lives due to all sorts of reasons, some to test us, some to discipline us, some to heal us, some to cleanse us from hurtful thinking, experiences or habits. But in each of those issues, each of those struggles, we are to struggle face-to-face with God. His ultimate desire is to bless us. There is nothing in this world, no trial, that doesn't have some sort of blessing at the end, if we'll just hang on until we see it. If we'll just NOT GIVE UP and NOT LET GO. One of the last verses in the book of Genesis is Joseph talking to his brothers who did horrible things to him and he says, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good..." God is faithful, little one. Even when the world seems completely bleak, He is there. Hang on, my bug, hang on.

Rolling Over!

2008-10-22T21:21:00.004-05:00

Our new trick!

We are in the grand accommodations of the Comfort Suites this week while our floors are being repaired... again. Staying in a hotel is tough for us but we are grateful to be close to home, to be together and to have a place to stay at all... especially one that is paid for by the flooring company.

One of the highlights of this madness is that you rolled over for the first time! Your daddy was on the bed with you and you rolled to him! We even got it on video! You've been trying to do it for a while and I think having him next to you gave you some momentum... you know, roll towards the dent! :) We cheered for you and laughed. Once you got over, you weren't sure what to do with yourself. Our next job is to learn how to roll BACK over. You are such a big girl. You're so strong and developing so quickly. How amazingly blessed we are in you, Kiana Rose.

Rolling over has many consequences... good and less than awesome! Being able to roll over keeps you safer in general. It means you are tracking right along with your physical development. It does however mean that you are closer and closer to being mobile. In our house, we say "we look forward to" versus "we can't wait until." The truth is, we CAN wait for lots of things! I'm not sure we're ready for you to be able to go wherever you want (even rolling there). But, you growing up is how it was intended to be so we'll cope with joy and thankfulness.

Love you, Beeker Bug

Comfort Suites

2008-10-20T13:25:00.000-05:00

This is Home, Sweet, Home for the week.

Our house has had a reoccurring problem... the sealant on the wood floors downstairs just doesn't want to seal! About a year ago, we went away for a week (your cousin Lauren's 1st birthday party in Hawaii) while they sanded everything down and resealed. Well, the moving company rolled your daddy's restored 1921 grand piano across the hard wood floors causing major damage to the floor AND to the piano. Well, shortly after our return from Hawaii, we were expecting YOU! The first few (well, 4-5) months of pregnancy were pretty tough for me and so I just wanted to be home. Then, my belly got so big that I didn't want to be anywhere. THEN, I was on travel restrictions. THEN... you were born and it wasn't in ANYONE'S best interest to have you out. So, we FINALLY got everything in line to redo the floors. We decided to get them "scraped." It would look cool, fix the grooves left by the piano AND fix the sealant issue.

Well, it takes 5-6 days to complete the process (a day between each coat of sealant) so... here we are. Here's hoping for the best!

A New Coat in the Closet

2008-10-19T23:31:00.003-05:00

There are times when I see your stuff around the house and I pause, smile and keep going about my business. You belong here and seeing your toys or clothes or blankets is right. It's how it should be. But, there are times, like today, when my breath catches in my throat. I opened the closet door today and saw your little coat hanging there. I hung it there a week or so ago and had forgotten about it. Oh, Kiana, I love so much having you, and your little coat, in our family.

Meet our Little Sumo

2008-10-19T11:19:00.003-05:00

TOO FUNNY! We had you in the nursery at church this weekend. I came in to check on you between services and saw the funniest thing. One of our dear friends, Ceri, had tied your hair up in a rubber band! You looked so different with your little top knot. HILARIOUS. I had to rush back to my purse to get my camera (which is ALWAYS with me... your welcome grandmothers!) and document the moment.

Your hair has made you a bit of a celebrity around church (well, that and your smile). As a matter of fact, a bit of a celebrity wherever you are. While every now and then it will lean to the side, it's still VERY tall and awesome. Honey, I won't wish you to be 8 yrs old with your hair still straight up on your head, but I will grieve a bit when it finally settles.

Reach Out and Grab It

2008-10-17T22:16:00.016-05:00

It's your newest skill!

I went to visit you in the church nursery and saw you reaching for a toy and I had to pick up my chin from the floor. I'd never seen you do that before, but there you were watching, concentrating and reaching with your slightly awkward coordination for that toy. So, we came home and I began to dig out some of the toys you received at different baby showers. There were a couple that caught your interest and we've been playing with them ever since. You love them. There is a duck that you love to play with and chew on.

You're learning, Baby! You're developing and I am SO proud for you.

In the words of MY mother... Go, Baby, Go!

The Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-17T22:16:00.014-05:00

Hey, Pumpkin!

We went on an adventure today with our friends Christina and Aida Alford. Mommy and Christina have been friends for a number of years now and it was so fun for us to take our daughters to the pumpkin patch. Aida is a little over a year older that you so she was able to do a bit more, but I'm sure you will both be running and exploring next year. Although you were a bit too small, you enjoyed yourself all the same. Well, you would have had MORE fun if your mommy hadn't dressed you for MUCH cooler weather. (In my defense, you DID look really cute!)

You had a lot of "firsts" today! You smelled goats (not so thrilled with the smell, vaguely interested in the goats), rode on a hayride (not a fan of the bumps all over the place), sat with some pumpkins (enjoyed this, but didn't like being hot), got hay on your face (thought that was awesome until it made you sneeze), got doused in Purell by your freakish mother and went home exhausted.

We missed having your daddy there, but he sent us his blessing. We'll make sure he comes with us next time.

Submission

2008-10-17T22:16:00.012-05:00

Hey, Little Bear (in this picture, my arm carries the mark of motherhood... slobber!)

I can't tell you how long I have been hung up on this word. "SUBMISSION," it sounds scary, huh? My "duty" as a wife. My "duty" as a mother. My "duty" as a woman. Ugh. It's caused me so many issues and tense conversations. I didn't understand what it meant. Other people described it for me, but I couldn't reconcile their description of this word, this act that God asks of me, in a way that made sense to me. So, I asked God to help me with this word and I've been thinking about it for a while now. I have some thoughts that I'd like to share with you from mother to daughter. These are important things to pass down. :)

I believe I know what submission, at least as I interpret it in the Bible, is not. It is not one gender "lording" over the other. It is not losing your opinions, voice or involvement to the other. It is certainly not losing your dignity to someone else.

I couldn't reconcile a God I believe to be good and loving to intend for me to be "lorded" over or for me to disappear. He had created me to be a thinker. I believe God created me to learn, to discover, to search out, to question, to ask. Not everyone appreciates my thirst for understanding, and my questioning of EVERYTHING, but I believe that God does... especially when I seek that understanding from Him. It is within THIS relationship, mine with God, that I found a better, or at least one that makes more sense to me, definition to "submission."

It's to say, "I can't do this on my own, apart from you." It is a loving act of humility. It is desiring to give up some of my independence, but not my identity. I retain who I am... my thoughts, my dreams, my questions. I just share this journey as part of a team. I am a very important part of that team. God seeks relationship with me. He seeks my action within that relationship. He seeks my involvement (WOW!) in our relationship. I was NEVER intended to disappear but to participate.

Then I applied this to my marriage to your daddy. You know what? I can't do that on my own either (believe me, I've tried!). The truth is, I don't want to (this is evidence of growth for me). I want to be a team with him. I want to consult him and his thoughts when I'm trying to make a decision just as he's learning to do with me. We're in a relationship and that means that both of us are required to make it work. We are partners. There are some areas where he is really strong and helps me. There are others where I help him. That's what makes our team work.

I've never thought I wanted to be a submissive person, much less a submissive wife. But I've learned that being submissive doesn't make me a doormat, neither does it make me weak. It actually makes me strong. It makes me a part of something that's really important to me. Not only can I live with that... I like it. I want it. I've lived most of my life looking out for myself, achieving my individual goals and doing it all on my terms. I've tried (and made so many mistakes) doing my marriage on my terms, but it doesn't work like that. I thought if I wasn't intensely independent, I would be co-dependent (something else that's caused me problems). Instead, I can be inter-dependent. I can let your daddy help me (and he seeks out opportunities to do that... he's really a great man, Keeks). I trust him and I love him. I don't have to do life alone anymore.

I am thankful that God allowed me to ask Him that question. I am thankful that He is big enough for my doubts and questions and misunderstandings about the Bible. I am thankful that He gives me the time to work it out in relationship with Him (praying, thinking, writing, reading, talking with other people). He is a good God, Kiana. He wants us to go to Him with our questions. I can't do life without Him (I've tried that too... HUGE failure. I'm a pretty bad manager of my own life) and I've learned that I don't want to. The awesome thing is... because of God's great love for me (and you), he sent Jesus to earth. We'll talk more about what Jesus did for us, but for now let me say this... Jesus is the reason we don't HAVE to live life alone. God created us to be in relationships and our perfect relational example is Jesus. God wants to help you have the amazing life he created for you. Asking for His help is an act of submission I readily welcome.

I certainly don't have it all figured out yet, and won't this side of eternity, but I am learning. I like learning. :) I like making my brain, and my heart, bigger.

Welcome to the team, baby. Rest assured, you are a vital part of our team and we don't want to do this journey without you!
Mommy

Kung Fu Baby

2008-10-17T22:15:00.005-05:00

This picture simply makes me smile. You are such a blast to have in our lives, Kiddo. We wonder what we ever used to do before you got here... oh yeah, sleep! :)

Lunch with the Family

2008-10-12T20:03:00.015-05:00

While Michelle and Melissa were here, we thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to see Oma and Team McNeely again! We met at a restaurant, had great food and even better family time. It was great to see Aunt Dina, Uncle Justin and Clarke all doing so well. Oma loved holding you and getting to tell you she loved you. Clarke is such a cool cat, she just sleeps and chills... well, that's what she's done both times we've seen her. But, we're sure it won't be long before the two of you are running around and squealing. It happens with little girls.

It was such a blessing to be able to all meet, share some food (Melissa ate a chicken foot not knowing what it was!!!! Your daddy knew what it was, but just wanted to see if she would do it. She took a bite and the look that came over her face almost made me shoot hot tea out of my nose. She tried to discreetly put the rest of it down without anyone noticing, but she forgot she was sitting right next to your daddy who wasn't going to let her get off that easy). I'm afraid he is going to introduce you to all SORTS of... well, he's gonna call it 'food,' but don't be fooled, it might not totally be edible. :) In truth, I hope you like lots of different kinds of foods. I just hope you don't expect ME to like them too.

It was a great weekend together!

Visit with Auntie Chelle and Auntie Lissa

2008-10-12T20:03:00.010-05:00

One of the values your father and I have set for our family is that we want you to know your extended family: your grandparents, your aunt and uncles, your cousins, etc. We go out of our way to provide opportunities for these times together because we think it is important. Well, your Auntie Chelle and Auntie Lissa came for a visit this weekend and we all had SO much fun.

Your Auntie Chelle played your favorite game with you ("Help me sit up, please") and you laughed and laughed. You bonked Antie Lissa in the head and it was hilarious. You have this funny little behavior, you've done it since you were first born, where you will get close and just shake your head from side to side. Sometimes you will lean back to look around and then pile drive your wee noggin right into someone's shoulder (or face if they're not careful). This "experience" is usually saved for your daddy and me and your dad has walked away with a red face before. It's a little tough to explain, "my baby beat me up." Whatever it is, you strong little thing, it makes you laugh and laugh. Well, you got Auntie Lissa pretty good! :) No worries though, she laughed and loves you still. You see, you share a special bond with your Auntie Lissa- same birthday, same blood type, same strength of character... she understands. :)

It was so fun to share you with my sisters. All 3 of us are entering new stages of our lives and it is a real blessing to be able to share our individual journeys with each other. They enjoyed their time with you very much.

Adventures with Shoes!

2008-10-12T20:02:00.005-05:00

I PROMISE that I love you! You are probably doubting it right now, but I do.

Today, we had a new adventure (more and more of those everyday). I confused you so much by strapping your precious little feet is what I thought were cute brown shoes and you thought were only slightly less than torture devices. You weren't sure WHAT was going on. You would look down at your feet and then up at me. You would try to wiggle your toes and then look up at me. I'm a little sorry that I laughed. You were just so cute trying to figure it out.

Rest assured, your characteristic persistence did get one of them off but MY characteristic persistence put it back on and just strapped it a bit tighter. :) My darling, you got my narrow feet just like I got my moms (although... funny thing... your toes are shaped just like your daddy's just like mine are just like my daddy's).

You're becoming such a big girl, little one. What a joy it is to be there to share your discoveries with you.

Bath Time Fun

2008-10-11T10:52:00.005-05:00

There's nothing like babies playing in their bath water and there is especially nothing like watching YOU in your tub. You play with your daddy and reward his silly faces and even sillier original songs (they should somehow be documented... no one would ever believe how wild they are... BUT they always rhyme... part of the issue actually since your Daddy is super creative with the rhyme thing) with the biggest giggles and winning smiles. Kiana, when you laugh with your daddy, he feels like king of the world! You will notice that I intentionally used the water faucet to maintain your modesty. :)

Watching Veggie Tales

2008-10-11T10:49:00.007-05:00

I like the Veggie Tales. They are silly, fun and teach what I think are important lessons and values. I value all of this very much. You, like the bright colors and when your mommy and daddy perform the silly songs for you. You're not quite sure what all of it means, but you're having fun with it all the same. You don't watch a whole lot of TV, and we hope what you do see is positive and fun. (I admit that you do watch some CSI and some NCIS... BUT, I ALWAYS cover your eyes when they show or cut up the dead people.)

I love you, Sugah

Sitting Up...sort-of

2008-10-11T10:48:00.003-05:00

Keeker Bee, you are a curious little girl. You like to see what's going on around you and you love to be able to look around. So, we've been working on sitting up. You are so strong and you will try and try. But you are also still little and need some help. So, there are different tactics we use. Sometimes we simply prop you up against one of us. You dig it, until you begin to lean to one side or the other. You don't like being off balance so much. Other times, we use your awesome chair. It's like a Bumbo chair and it supports your back. You only like it for a little while though because sometimes you slump to the front, even with the little straps. Most of the time though, we play your favorite game.

You'll lie flat on your back and we'll grab your hands. We count to three very slowly using funny voices, and then gently pull you up to a sitting position. YOU LOVE IT. You sometimes forget to bend at the waist and so we just drag you along the blanket, but most of the time you remember! :) You will grin and laugh and we will too. It's awesome. We love watching you hold up your head and look around. The delight in your face is magical. Thank you for wanting to play with us. Our time with you is such a treasure.

God doesn't waste a hurt

2008-10-09T16:07:00.011-05:00

Hello, my little one! I've made a decision! Yes, I want this blog to be a history of your growth and activities. But I also want it to be a documented record of God's faithfulness in our lives. There are so many things I want to teach you. My heart is so full. Granted, there is still SO much left for me to learn, but there are some lessons I have learned over these past few years that I want to share with you. Maybe this blog is a way to get them out in pieces so as not to overwhelm you! :) You'll be like, "Mom, enough already! I just want to ride my bike."

Keeks, I don't know what kind of learner you are going to be. I have some suspicions that you're going to be incredibly curious (you already are) and you'll want to do everything yourself (you already do). I treasure that in you. I'm very similar. However, I hope that there are some lessons you won't have to directly learn for yourself, or maybe you can learn them early so the consequences of them aren't so tough.

In the interest of full disclosure, I want to tell you that these believes I have are the result of MY journey. They are things I BELIEVE, even when I don't KNOW. My life has led me to hold on tightly to some ideas that are very important to me. I believe your journey will be different (It SHOULD be different because you're not me!). I give you not only my permission, but my blessing to embark on your own journey for truth. My intention here is simply share my heart and ideas I would like you to consider with you. :) Okay, now you can read on.

My beloved girl, it hurts my heart to know that you are going to experience deep pain and loss in your life. You will, my love. It is my hope to be there, or for someone who loves you like I do... or at least close, to hold you and to walk you through it... or rather, stand beside you as you walk it yourself. In the deepest dark of those moments, I want you to believe that God is good. I choose to believe that there are three main reasons why we experience pain and suffering. One of them is Satan. The ultimate battle between Him and God has been decided... God wins! But for a time, I believe Satan does have temporary powers and likes to meddle in people's lives. I also believe there are consequences for sin (either yours or someone else's). Yes, there is original sin, but I don't think we're born carrying that curse. I don't think we are born sinning but I do think we are born sinful. We have the capacity to do really terrible things. We also have the capacity to do incredibly wonderful and meaningful things too! The third cause of pain, at least to me, is simply life. There are some things that happen in this world that don't really have direct causes. They just happen and they stink. Be careful what you point to as the cause for pain in your life, dear one.

In my heart of hearts I desperatly believe that God does NOT cause bad things to happen to us. He is a god of love and goodness. There is the confusing issue of "allowing" things to happen, but when I get bogged down in that and my desperation to understand, I try to remember not to let what I don't know eliminate what I do. There have been times when God allowed me to experience the pain of my own choices, but it was how I had to learn. When my "learning" got to be too much for me, he didn't let me stay there. Instead, he used my sense of brokenness to help me learn and grow. No, my love, I do not believe that God causes all of our hurts, but I do firmly believe that he can use them for good if we will let Him. I believe that with all of my heart. God doesn't waste a hurt.

Your stubborn mommy has always had to learn things the hard way. I wish I weren't like that, but for some reason I feel like I've got to do everything myself and in my own way. I'm working on it though. In many ways, my independent nature has served me well. I am incredibly determined, I work hard and I'm not easily deterred when I set my mind to something. But it has also been tough. My fierce independence has hurt a lot of people I love. I'm learning though. I'm now allowing other people help me... your daddy especially. He is so patient with me and loving. I am very grateful for him.

There is some darkness in my life that I've given to God and asked Him to make better. My girl, He has. My outlook on my life and who I am is so different than it has ever been. Those dark places, and my journey through them, have even helped other people work through theirs. Wow! These answered prayers give me more and more assurance that God is real and personal.

Okay, this is all WAY too much for you right now, and will be for a very long time, but life is short. I don't know what the future holds and I simply don't want to miss chances to share things with you. You daddy and I decided that this blog would be a love story to you. Yes, one from us to you, and from us to our family and friends. But also from God to you. I didn't want to miss the opportunity to share with you how God has worked in my life. I believe God to be good. I believe Him to be trustworthy and faithful. I know I am over the top about all of this. I weird myself out...OFTEN! But, I am so darn grateful for my freedom from my past that I don't know how else to be. I love my life even though it has big problems and lots of areas for serious improvement. Knowing all that I do, I CHOOSE my life. Yeah!

I just wanted you to know my heart, especially since you are such a huge part of it.

I love you Beeks, Mommy

Your Daddy's HBA Talk

2008-10-08T11:48:00.010-05:00

Your daddy was so awesome tonight! He spoke about what a difference Hawaii Baptist Academy has made in his life at a fundraiser dinner. I was so thrilled that you and I were there to cheer him on. He was fantastic, too! Go, Daddy, Go!

It took us a while to get to Dallas Baptist University because it is on the WAY other side of town... and it was raining meaning that Dallas people no longer know how to drive assuming they knew to begin with. We got there, had a bit to eat and then waited for the evening to begin.

There were many familiar faces in the audience that night but there were two people in particular we wanted you to meet. One of them was Colonel Stan Saggert, or as your Daddy calls him, Uncle Stan. The other was Uncle Dick or Richard Bento. These two men were especially close to your daddy's daddy. They are very close and dearly loved family friends. They were both so glad to meet you!

You did such a good job. It was a LONG night and you, well... for the most part, ate and went to sleep. Of course, you only wanted to sleep on daddy's arm (which meant you also drooled on him a little... but it did dry before he got up there to speak relieving him from speaking with the "badge of fatherhood" on his sleeve). But you know him, he didn't complain. He loves you so much and will do anything for you.

It was a proud day for us. HBA served your daddy (and Auntie Von) very well and taught them life lessons they still use today.

Love you, bug... Mom

Your Friend Turtle

2008-10-07T23:43:00.005-05:00

You love your friend turtle (and not quite so interested in froggie or duckie). We will be in the car going somewhere and we'll hear you talking away in the backseat (you're a very verbal baby... go figure with us as your parents). When we look to see what's going on, your eyes are glued to turtle. He can calm you when you're agitated. He keeps your attention and engages you. Who knows what you two discuss. Maybe you are telling him about life. Maybe you two are plotting to take over the world. Whatever it is, I'm glad you have a friend you can trust with your secrets.

Women of Hope

2008-10-05T00:05:00.021-05:00

The reason we went to Oklahoma was for me to speak at a women's conference at Woodland Hills Baptist church. They were hosting their first "Women of Hope" gathering and needed a keynote speaker. Connie Strickland, a dear family friend that has been in my life since I was 8 years old, had listened to a talk I gave for my church on Ephesians 2:1-10 and recommended me! They called and we were off on a new adventure. I was so nervous, but really felt God wanted me to share where I've been and what I've learned.

I tried to find the time to focus and work, to research and write, to read and think (all things I really enjoy), but found myself unable to do any of it. I'm not one who can work in 20 min. segments but rather need big blocks of time. Well, that method isn't as practical with an infant. It wasn't your fault at all, it was just tough. So, with the blessing of my church and your daddy, you and I headed to Oklahoma a bit early so your Grandmar could watch you while I worked. What a blessing!

I did the Bible study part and then sat to write the testimony section, what I've actually learned and what an impact it has had on my life. Wow. I said a very long prayer, closed my eyes, and just began typing. What came out was very different than what I had originally intended. It was raw, honest and exposed me to all sorts of vulnerabilities. BUT... God has brought me through all of that. My issues with image management, what people think about me, wasn't important at all. What was key here was God, His goodness, His faithfulness, His redeeming love, His power to restore and renew life, marriage and hope. The apostle Paul said, 'Not I, but Christ.' THAT was most important here. So, I let Dustin read it (I would never say anything that made him uncomfortable. We are a team in all things.) and he not only gave me his blessing, but his encouragment and support.

So, the next day, I put on my new outfit (otherwise, I was going to be wearing a green maternity dress or your daddy's sweatpants) and dedicated my day to God.

There were many things I learned:
- You, my dear, are not allowed to be on the 2nd row. I was so in tune with you that I was distracted and not focused. Your daddy was awesome (and brave as one of the only guys there) and took you to the back. BIG GIFT.
- Make sure you know how they want you to say what they want you to say. I used the same format that I did for our women and it didn't fit quite right
- There are many ways that I can improve as a speaker.
- Not everyone is prepared for "lightening in a bottle" (how I was described) :) I jumped around and got all excited (I know, shocker), but I just couldn't help it and I make no apologies. I am so grateful to no longer live enslaved to madness! I want to tell EVERYONE that they don't have to live in crazy lady land. Yee Haw!

BUT... the bottom line is again, "Not I, but Christ." This wasn't about my ego or "my" success. I believe God was present and spoke through this distracted, healing, well-intentioned heart to speak His love and hope. Through the words of Romans 5:1-8, Paul tells how God declares us "not guilty" and begins a process in our lives that enables us to become more and more like Him. He uses the darkness, sadness and heartbreak in our lives to build our perseverance, our character, and our hope. Hope is not wishful thinking but a convinced assurance that through Jesus, we are reconciled with God. That reconciliation brings joy (not always happiness, but joy), peace (a stillness of heart, not always of circumstances), and love (from God and for others).

I shared about my perfectionism and the toll it took on my life while I was enslaved to it. I had no idea how close that would hit home for a lot of the women there. We desire to be "good enough" for our families, ourselves and our community. We work in our own strength to accomplish our goals and find ourselves feeling depressed, exhausted, disconnected and empty. If we are followers of Jesus and feeling those things, we have some serious business to do with God. We were not created to live like that. We have access to real hope, real joy, real peace, real love, real acceptance, real connection, real purpose, real life. That's good news to me. :) My precious girl, I hope it to be good news to you as well.

It was a powerful day and I was humbled and thrilled to be a part of it. Thank you, Jesus for the mighty work you are doing in this world. Thank you for seeking us out to be in relationship with you. Thank you for your relentless pursuit of us. Thank you for your mighty strength that allows me to do all things. Thank you for the near tangible joy, peace and hope that I hold onto every day. Thank you for being so amazingly big and at the same time so incredibly personal.

Team Domanski

2008-10-05T00:05:00.015-05:00

While we were in Oklahoma, we got the chance to spend some time with Auntie Jordo, Uncle Chris and Benjamin.

Ben was so enamored with you, but you still haven't figured out what you think of him. He would stroke your face, give you kisses and beg to hold you. As a reward for his kindness, you would flash him your winning smile. We laughed at how you drooled a lot, but it was laughing in love, dear one. When he would hold you, he would concentrate SO hard. It was awesome. He was so sweet.

One day I will tell you about Lillian Rose, but right now I will tell you that Auntie Jordo and Uncle Chris are in the process of getting Ben a little sister from Ethiopia! Isn't that awesome?!?! They have so much love in their hearts and there are babies that need families very badly that they are in the process of adopting. It's an amazing act of love and we're all so excited for them.

Even though our time was very short, we had a wonderful time with them. Your daddy and I hope to teach you to take advantage of moments, even when it takes effort. There are people in our lives that love us (and you) very much, like Team Domanski. We want you to know who they are and to spend time together. Make time for the ones you love, dear girl. That's what really matters in life.

O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A

2008-10-05T00:05:00.011-05:00

Hey, buggie

Whew... we just got back from another whirlwind trip. This time, we went to visit Grandmar and Grandpa in Oklahoma. Mama was speaking at a women's conference and needed some uninterrupted time to work so we went early. Grandmar watched you while I worked. Well, that was the idea, but you had some different plans. Things were unfamiliar and so you had a bit of a time adjusting. The first day we were there you really didn't want to do much but have me hold you. While I love holding you, it made it a bit tough to work. After a day of not sleeping (day OR night), you began to figure it all out. When you finally began to sleep... you slept HARD. Making up for lost time. You also had your first experience (and mine) with REAL vomit. Not like a little spit-up... we're talking nearly an entire bottle all over mama... twice! The first one was because your grandparents were playing with you a little agressively after eating and the other because you started coughing while you were finishing your bottle. Lessons learned! :)

Your daddy missed us like crazy. I had packed ALL of your stuff (he laughed at me while helping me load it) nearly and when he walked into the bedroom, he began to cry. All of your stuff was gone. So, he finished what he needed to do, loaded up Tucker and Phillip, and joined us in Oklahoma as soon as he could.

It was a wild trip, but it was a wonderful one. You got reaquainted with your Grandpa and Grandmar and they LOVED the time they got to spend with you. We took over their home with all of our stuff (it just seemed to multiply and spread on its own) but they didn't seem to mind. Grandmar rocked you and rocked you and Grandpa had to be reminded over and over that he had to get to work because all he wanted to do was make you laugh. He got you a pair of John Deere socks a long time ago and had them sitting on his desk. He was glad they still fit. Time spent with family is such a wonderful investment. We need a vacation from our vacation, but we would do it again.

Happy 3 Month Birthday

2008-10-01T23:37:00.007-05:00

So many advancements this month!
- you are eating more but going longer between meals (6 oz every 3-4 hours)
- you sleep SO much more at night! (We put you down around 10 and you go until 4:30, we'll feed you and then you'll go back down around 5 until 8:30! It's a new world!)
- you still love your baths (especially your new bathtub we got in Houston- Daddy loves it because we can bathe you in the sink and not have to break our backs using our bathtub or risk dropping you when we take you into the shower with one of us)
- your dry skin rash has TOTALLY gone away! You have your baby soft skin again. Come to find out, your skin is just as sensitive as your daddy's. Only the gentlest stuff works for you.
- you're now in size 2 diapers, size 3-6 mth clothes and size 6 month pjs (you're SO long!)
- you're noticing things around you more and liking what you see. Moving things or brightly colored objects bring out the biggest smiles. You can now see the mobile above your bed and the one with your swing.
- your smiles are dazzling. You stick out your tongue like your daddy does when you smile really big. We love it and it causes us to laugh. Well, neither your daddy nor I have quiet laughs that so we have to be careful not to scare you.
- your little personality is coming out more and more everyday. You like to be involved with everything, but you want to do it yourself.
- you don't like to be by yourself very much. You want to be around everyone else and to be involved with what's going on around you.
- you are very even tempered until it comes to food or sleep. You get a little violent about both. Don't worry though, it comes naturally. Your father and I are both very attached to both food and sleep. When your body really wants to go to sleep, but your mind isn't quite ready, you fight so hard and get so mad. When you finally surrender, you sleep like a stone.

It's been a big month full of road trips, new clothes and new adventures. We've loved sharing them with you (and taking lots of pictures).

We love you, Keeks
Mom and Dad

The Nosefrida

2008-10-01T23:37:00.005-05:00

Well, as you can tell just by looking at it that this isn't your usual snot sucker. Yes... it is a snot sucker. It's advertised as the "Sweedish Hose for a Little Nose." (While it isn't spelled the same, it does make Dustin and I laugh that something associated with mucus has the word "freda/frida" in it. Mom wasn't quite as thrilled) We were trying desperately to battle Kiana's congestion. We left our most favorite snot sucker (the one you get at the hospital) at Dustin's mom's house during week 2 of our battle. We bought all sorts of machines and bulbs and none of them 'really' worked. We called her pediatrician (a lot... new mom) and they were so sweet. They assured us that we were okay and that there was nothing over the counter we could give her except saline. They told us if she was getting really fussy or her eating or sleeping habits were getting disturbed to let them know because that could be something else. So, continuing to listen to her cough and seeing all of that grossness up her nose, Dustin went to the internet. We found this AMAZING product called a "Nosefrida." Life has been renewed!

Yes, it is REALLY a snot SUCKER. You put the tube end next to her nostril (note: it doesn't go inside so you never bruise the tender lining of their nose like you can with the other bulbs) and the red end... yes... in your mouth. BEFORE YOU FREAK OUT... you will notice the filter between the two ends. This keeps ANYTHING from EVER getting to YOU. I refused to use it and made Dustin do it himself until the time he was gone and there was no choice. We'd set the habit of saline, nosefrida, food at every meal time and the results had been amazing. This thing allows constant connection vs. the interrupted nose bulb thing. The process goes so much faster and is SO much more effective. She was eating better. She was sleeping better. She wasn't coughing or sneezing so much. When she DID sneeze, it was productive. You've never seen two people get so excited to run for the Kleenex.

Since we've received and began using this product, our world has totally changed. Our daughter is doing SO much better and for that we are so grateful. Yes, it looks nasty (and is, in a way) but we will do whatever it takes to keep her breathing well.

Thank you, Nosefrida.

You know you've been around babies too much when...

2008-09-16T08:29:00.008-05:00

your wife walks out of the bedroom wearing a new tank top and you look at her and say, "Honey, that's a cute onesie."

Lot's Wife

2008-09-16T08:29:00.005-05:00

Kiana, there is something that I've learned that I want to share with you. By telling you about this, I hope to save you from some of the madness that has plagued my life. This blog is really my love letter to you. Yes, it is where I keep everyone informed as to your progress and goings on, but really, it is a documentation of our journey together as a family. I want you to have it to look back on later and see how much you have been loved and prayed for. There may be some things I write that others might not understand. But, it is my hope, dear one, that this is a legacy of faith for you; a record of God's faithfulness and promise and blessing in our lives.

I've been involved with a Beth Moore (you'll know who she is because I kind of have a girl crush on her... she's so smart and loves God so much) study called "Patriarchs... encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob." A sidenote in one of our lessons really struck me right in the center of my heart. I'll tell you the whole story later, but there is a character named "Lot's Wife" in Genesis. She is told to flee a town that is about to be destroyed and given only one instruction, "Don't look back!" Well, she flees. But just as she is being rescued from disaster, she looks back and is turned into a pillar of salt! I know, wild. The application though is this. When you've been rescued by God from a disaster (or even near disaster) in your life, recognize it and name it as that and QUIT LOOKING BACK.

I've looked back a lot in my life. I romaticize and remember past events in my life that I need to really let go. I've been doing a lot of that work and God has freed me from so much of it already! I have been mercifully rescued from SO many things (some have left deep scars, others scratches). Why I continue to visit them baffles me and I pray daily for God to deliver me from that habit. It steals away my present and threatens my future. I love my present and look forward with amazing hope towards my (and our) future.

May I be an example to you as to how release yourself from your past. May I be an example of how to turn over your struggles to God and to experience freedom. You give me courage to battle my darkness. I want to be the best me I can for you (and your daddy). I want to give myself over to God in the hopes that I won't pass this tendency on to you. You will struggle with your own demons, my precious daughter, but it is my prayer that you don't have to battle through mine.

While I know that the legacy I leave for you will be a combination of positive and negative. It is my hope that you recieve the positive and I release you from the negative with full blessing.

I love you, Kiana.

Time Together

2008-09-14T22:41:00.007-05:00

My beloved girl, Your daddy and I love spending time with you so much. Your sweet nature and huge smile brighten every day. There are new discoveries and adventures that we share daily. What a gift and blessing you are to our lives. You've just recently decided you like riding in the Baby Bjorn (we tried it before and you were not a fan). You are so curious about the world around you that you insist on riding facing out. It gives us both a great workout. You focus on holding your head up (which you are getting better and better at doing) and I am reminded of how difficult it is to walk with that much weight right in front of you. Other times, we just talk to each other and play. Your daddy makes funny faces at you and you reward his silliness with HUGE smiles. And then there are times when we take naps together. You love to fall asleep on either you daddy or me and OH, how we love the feel of you. Sweet Beeker Bug, the sound of your breathing is music to us (well, now that we've all gotten over the plague, aka the 24 hr stomach bug... it was a violent time with your daddy and I sick as dogs while trying to take care of you. Thankfully, you never got it. We discovered the key to your safety was to set you in your pack-n-play where you would be safe as we quickly dove for the bathroom). We daily thank God for the blessing of our little family. Oh, how we love you.

Kiana and Clarke- Before and After

2008-09-14T22:40:00.005-05:00

My Aunt Dina just had her baby, Clarke Evadina McNeely. She is so precious. She was the same length as you but nearly 2 pounds lighter. When your daddy and I held her, we thought she would fly away she was so light. She is such a great sleeper and has such a fun disposition.

When we met her, we also got to see my Oma (your great-grandmother), and my Uncle Greg and Aunt Ann. They were so excited to see you. We were so excited to meet Clarke on the outside. You see, you guys met before when you were both inside!

Crocodile Tears

2008-09-14T22:39:00.002-05:00

My sweetest girl, we reached another milestone today. It begins. You have, of course, cried before but today when I looked down, your eyes were all red and there were tears coming down from the sides of your eyes. You now produce tears when you cry. Believe me when I tell you that it is heart-wrenching for your father and me to see. I immediately reached down to wipe them away and then kissed your sweet eyes. You calmed down quickly but my heart was already hurting knowing that there will come the day, sooner than either of us will like, when I won't be able to kiss it and make it better. Mommy won't be able to fix it. But I do commit to you, Kiana, to stand beside you (whether figuratively or literally) through those times. Don't cry, my little one, Mommy is here.

Chillin' With Dad

2008-09-08T23:21:00.008-05:00

I walked into the bedroom from the kitchen and this is what I saw. They were both sitting there watching television. It made me laugh so hard. Here is my little 2 1/2 month old sitting there like a big girl watching tv with her daddy.

And then, things went nutty. Kiana lost her pacifier and Dustin had to work hard to regain control of the situation. He did good though. He didn't panic too much. It wasn't long until the pacifier was back in her mouth and all was well.

Bath Time

2008-09-08T23:21:00.006-05:00

Baby girl, once again, our family time around your little bathtub are some of our happiest. You love the water very warm, nearly hot. We got you a cute tub that you think is awesome. We think it's great too because rather than breaking our backs in the bathtub, we can now wash you in the kitchen sink.

That grin takes my breath away!

The bath is also the only time your hair stays down. When it is soaking wet, it stays down and you look like a very different baby. Then, as it dries, up it goes! It will not be tamed (and I am grateful! I love your hair).

You are such a happy baby. As long as you have a clean diaper, a full tummy and a no one trying to suck out anything from your nose, you're perfectly content.

Oh, how we love being your parents.

2 Month Check-Up with Dr. Kim

2008-09-07T10:02:00.004-05:00

(from Papa)

Kiana went in for her two month well-baby appointment this morning (9-2) and we had a very good checkup. She’s developing perfectly!

She now weighs 13lbs 10oz and is 24in long. That puts her OFF THE CHART for her size and weight. She is 95% PLUS. But the doctor is not concerned in the least with her weight because she is so BIG. All smiles from the doctor.

Of course, then Kiana didn’t smile because she got her first round of vaccination shots today. One oral medicine and 3 shots – all in the legs. She’s got two cute silvery bandaids on her legs. We gave her some baby Tylenol before the appointment so we can reduce her fussiness and pain along with trying to prevent any fever that might arise from the shots.

All her feeding is going well – he’s happy with how we’re feeding her with the formula. Her snotty nose is just typical for babies. And her little rash – likely just heat or a viral rash – all typical with babies. This could come and go. As long as she doesn’t have a fever, isn’t complaining and fussy about it – nothing to worry about. Just try to keep her cool.

We do have a tiny concern that we’re checking out. He checks her hips to make sure that she doesn’t have any developmental dysplasia. He heard/felt a small “click” on her left hip. It’s VERY small but as a good doctor, he wants to make sure that we double check it so we’re going in for a sonogram on Friday to just make sure that there’s nothing going on with the joint. It could very well be nothing. Even if there is an issue, he told us that it would be completely treatable by wearing a brace/harness for a short while to correct it. (better her wear something now than when she is crawling or walking) The bottom line: not a big deal but something we would just have to address.

(update on the sonogram- it came back great. After pooping on the sonographer... yeah Kiana... he determined that the click was simply a ligament thing and not a cause to worry. We were thrilled!)

Our doc also said that her head shape is just perfect and that we’re doing a good job of varying her head position and giving her tummy time in order to keep her developing well.

Net/net – he was VERY pleased with how she’s doing. She’s tracking just fine.

We are so blessed that she’s doing so well! Love to you all!!!

ROAD TRIP- Part One

2008-09-07T10:01:00.002-05:00

You went on your very first road trip over Labor Day weekend. Oh we were pretty nervous. I started packing your stuff a week early. Your Uncle Glen actually helped us figure out the best way to even begin packing... stations. What do you need for you to eat? What do you need for you to sleep? What do you need to get you clean? It was a good strategy. We got the car loaded (very loaded), you fed and off we went (2 1/2 hours later than originally planned). We got to Ama's house in Houston and unpacked. Daddy set up your pack-n-play and your Ama played with you. The two of you had so much fun together.

Chi-E and Uncle Onne had a family dinner for us and you got to meet some of your cousins and some of your daddy's cousins. They all thought you looked like me (while most of my friends and family think you look exactly like your daddy. Purists). BUT... I can't say that I complained! I took it as a huge compliment because you are so beautiful. The Aunts all gathered around you to check out your heat rash (or it might have been a slight allergic reaction) and your runny nose. They spoke in Chinese so your daddy and I had no clue what they were saying. Ultimately though, they gave you a clean bill of health (important since two of them are doctors) and assured us that we were good parents and not killing you or putting you in major danger.

We tried to give you a bath in your Ama's sink and decided it was time to get you a bathtub. The sink was narrow and deep and all we could see was the top of your little frustrated head as we tried to get you all clean. While I am sure you were not thrilled, we thought it was a bit hilarious. The next day, your daddy and I went to get you one while you hung out with your Ama.

Time was short, but well spent. You played and got loved on pretty hard in those few days. You were sad to leave your Ama, promising to visit again soon, but the adventure was not yet over. It was time to head to Pasadena, TX for the Clubb Family Reunion. 'Adventure' is right!